11:45am
Hi my dearest and so very loved mommy. Sometimes I’m short on words to express how much I love you and what you truly mean to me. At times, my soul becomes inflamed with hopelessness from not being able to do anything significant enough to lift the burden of our separation on earth and the agony that comes with it from you.
I now fully see the harmony among mind, soul, and heart and how amazingly difficult it is to achieve integration. Please know with all your heart that I had no wish to impose such pain on you. As for now, I don’t know what else I can offer to lift your pain and suffering. I can only continue to pray for you and beg G-d to have mercy on your soul.
Only he can provide permanent healing. Only he can nurture you to wellness. As for me, it feels as though I am not strong enough to assist you on this path despite all my love for you.
Please do not interpret this as your weakness or failure. That is simply not true. Just please understand and accept that I alone cannot help you.
I can still guide you. I can still walk with you, but you must work more closely with your own connection to the Divine.
No, mom, I am not giving up on you. That is not the case. And no, you did not do anything wrong. It’s just that I am not the healer of broken hearts like him.
Please don’t feel as if I’m leaving you again. That is not going to happen. I’m still next to you with every step. I’m still holding your hand if you are holding mine.
The point that I’m making is that you and I together shall face the will of G-d.
It might be that somewhere deep within me, I too had a difficult time accepting my departure and leaving you here. As my soul matured, I can now see more clearly. With that new clarity, I am now very certain that you must also accept your fate.
You must face your fate with grace and dignity and without fear and doubt. You must also learn to see the need for you in all the pieces of the puzzle of life. You must see yourself as a very important piece, without which, the puzzle or mosaic of life would not be complete.
You should learn to accept the role and the position assigned to you and then do your best with what is given to you at this moment. I understand how difficult and confusing this might be. And yet if you learn to move slowly with dignity and respect, the confusion will disappear soon.
Your old system of thinking is crashing down and that is creating pain. However, the breakage of the old system is not saying that you are nothing, stupid, not needed, useless, etc.
As the ship goes through the ice, the ice gets crushed under the weight of the ship. The same with you; the new energies are crashing your old values, but the ocean remains unchanged and untouched. So are you.
See it, recognize it and connect to your inner ocean. Your inner ocean is the part that will sustain and carry you regardless if it’s covered in ice or not.
Though the ocean is your direct connection with G-d and the Divine, it will not start until you appreciate it, see the wisdom in every wind, and recognize and treasure every movement in the air and your connection with it. Till that time, you will be in pain and suffering from the breakage of the ice.
What can I tell you mom? What can I suggest to you? How can I lift your pain?
You must know that I really want to relieve your pain. Here are a few suggestions that might help you now.
- Do not rush into anything big. Your goal right now must be to wake up with the effort to allow G-d to heal your heart.
- Please see everything as a part of the process, “healing heart”, even if something does not appear to be pleasant to you. As you know, the medication is not always the sweet one. Don’t get attached to the taste of the medication, just take it.
- You must learn to trust your heart with the Divine. With that, you must learn to accept G-d’s plan for you. Fear of the future must be given up. If you trust Divine, there is no room for fear. If you have fear, then you either have no trust and/or no true appreciation of G-d’s plan.
- And here is the main question to ask: Who is in control of your life? You or G-d? There is only room for one captain. This is a core question. This is a pivotal question. The question underneath is can you truly surrender yourself to the Divine?
I think I gave you enough to think for today, but reconciliation of those issues must take place before you can move forward. I understand that accepting the destiny that is written for us is the most challenging part of life since we always think that we deserve better and more.
However, learning to accept one’s lot is the central part of everything else. The more our soul is involved, the more is asked of us.
The more our soul is evolved, the more is asked of us.