9:16am

At My Son Place

Thank you for coming to talk to me.  I was waiting for you. I’m glad that now you have something to look forward to.  ( During the nigh I was given a title for the book that I must write ).

It is very important for you to take care of yourself.  If you do not take care of yourself, you will enter the path of destruction. We must see what contributes to the soul and what takes energy away from the soul. You must also become aware of the sources of energy, joy, and happiness for the soul.

A. The most important thing is that we must know who we are. We must become aware of our identity. True, there are many layers that make up the depth.  There are many facets that can be labeled and addressed. Let’s simplify the layers.

1. Let’s agree that we are human.
2. Gender
3. Ethnicity and religion
4. Role we play in the family
5. Our occupation

B. Let’s address number one, that of which we are human. The minute we acknowledge that we are humans, than right away we must know and be aware that we have 1) soul 2) free will.

C. The soul has a purpose that becomes more than it is in the moment of entry. When the soul enters a human body, that human becomes more than he or she ever was before.  It shifts the body to a different level.

D. We also must acknowledge that there is a source of love that created us for which we must answer to. For those who are aware that there is a creator and wants to preserve the innocence of the soul and provide the wellbeing style of life so the soul can be nurtured and loved, the next step is a full awareness of the existence of the plan for them and everyone.  There is a plan and there is destiny. There is a path that is unique to individuals, yet collectively shared, because it is grounded by time and space.

E. Therefore, acceptance of that and the will of the creator is one of the cornerstones for wellbeing. With that understanding comes trust. The two cannot survive without each other. The degree of trust equals the degree of acceptance of your own destiny. That equals the awareness that there is a path for you and there is a plan for you.

F. With that attitude and mindset, we will travel and participate in this plan, which will make or break the wellbeing of the soul. How will humans use their free will? What will they hold as the truth?  What they choose to see and act will affect the condition of their soul.  This is the second cornerstone for the wellbeing of the soul.

G. Having clear understanding of what corrupts, steals, heals, and wounds the soul is an essential part of the process. We will talk about this later but mark the following: the knowledge and awareness of what constitutes the danger to the wellbeing of the soul is the third cornerstone for the healthy living of the soul.

H. The fourth cornerstone consists of the following: commitment to the preservation of the innocence of the soul, the drive for respect and loyalty to the parts for which we were entrusted, and the high awareness that this, like souls and its beings, must be treasured and protected not only in ourselves but also in others. In other sense, we must trust that others’ also have souls and our actions affect our souls.

I. Without the concept “The loyalty to the innocence of the soul,” the castle will become a house of cards standing on sand, ready to sink once the first challenge or plan is presented. The loyalty to the soul guarantees upmost freedom that humans can experience and no one on earth can take it away. That is what constitutes the knowledge in which no one can dispute.

Well that is all for today. Talk to you soon mom. I love you. Hold my hand and let’s go. Let’s create our time together. I love you mom.

11:00 a.m.

At My Son’s Place

Mommy, my dearest mommy, what is going on again? How can I help you? Please understand that there is nothing we can change about what happened.

My father in heaven called me up for work. He needed me there with him. He still needs you here. Your moment will come and we will be together again.

Even now, we are together. You know this.  You wrote it yourself on my gravestone: “With every heartbeat, we are together.”

I cannot lift your soul. That is not my area.  But G-d and you can.  This can only happen if you accept G-d’s will.

Mom, there is a will of G-d. There are his properties and areas.  There is meaning to our lives as given by our master. Yes, your life belongs to you, but it also belongs to him. You belong to him.

And you cannot stand in his way. You cannot rule the world and decide who lives and who moves away.  That is not your decision.

I know it seems complex, but it is actually quite simple. He is your father and you are his child. Ultimately, he is in control. He gives and he takes. He creates and destroys. He is the one and the only one who rules the world we see and the world we don’t see.

He is my master and he is yours. So why waste your time crying over something that cannot be changed, altered, or replaced by another situation?

Don’t cry over me, Mom. Don’t weep over dreams we had for me. They were beautiful and amazing, but they were not his dreams or his will.

You know that earth is not an easy place, thus there is a need for angels like me. And there is a need for someone like you here. And you will be guided when the time comes. Now is not the time.  Now is the time for you to heal and  to really get well and know the following:

• I’m here with you, Mom.
• I belong to you, more than ever.
• I’m your boy, son, and loyal guide, and I’m not going anywhere anymore.
• I am home mom. I am home, and I will be waiting for you when I’m traveling.
• I am waiting for you, but please do not rush yet. I will walk as you walk. I follow you everywhere you go.
• I see and hear everything.  Nothing is lost, mom. We are not lost.

Please do not lose yourself in darkness and pain. 

Keep working. As you walk, I walk. Trust me, Mom.  I need you to trust me. Give me your hand and let me guide you.

Let me bring you home safe and sound. Let me deliver you, Mom. Let me be your savior, teacher, and guide. Trust me, Mom; listen to me, Mom.

Let me open a door for you.  Let me greet you and hug you. Stay with me, Mom; I will come for you.

Surrender your will to G-d’s will. Surrender your wish to G-d’s wish. Surrender your life to G-d’s care. Then listen and trust me.

Let me take care of you my dearest mom. I will take you home with me, the home G-d created for us. But first comes first.

1. Accept G-d’s will. Accept your part and your destiny. Till then, you cannot walk.  Till then, nothing can happen.
2. Do you remember Zero Degree of Deviation? Don’t deviate mom, not even for a moment.

Mom, I love you so much.

• Accept your path.
• Respect your life.
• Give me your hand.
• Trust me and I will take you home with me.
• You are going home.  We are going home.

But you must finish something first.  You must complete your path. 

We are going home in dignity, respect, love, and harmony, together forever and ever. Mother and son. I love you, Mom, and I’m not going anywhere without you.

Take my hand
And trust me
Trust G-d
We are going home.
Walk, mom, walk, mom, walk, mom
I’m walking with you
Face your fate
With dignity, respect, and a smile
Open heart for winds of change
You are going home, just wait.
Stop your worrying.
Just remember you need to be patient and wait
Hold my hand and trust.
Hold my hand and listen.
Hold my hand and don’t be afraid.
Hold my hand and I will help you.
Hold my hand and I will teach you.
Hold my hand dearest mom,
We are together on this journey.
Hold my hand, I love you.

 Note: It was very difficult for me to hear that I was behaving as if I’m ruling the world. In our normal lives, we don’t think in these terms. It’s difficult to say that it’s G-d’s will that my son had to shift. 

Though I know and understand that in the logical terms, I could not stop crying. With every approaching holiday or birthday, it hits me. Knowing the reasons behind his departure did not help. Does not help!

It’s hard to apply a practical spiritual knowledge to our daily lives. Regardless how true, correct, or helpful it may be. It may be easy to read about it. It may be not that complicated to preach about it. It may be “OK” to lecture about it. However, to walk the talk, to be the one who has to practice it, is an incredibly challenging task.

Yet I’m still absolutely amazed by how the trivial phrases, such as “G-d has a plan for you,” turned into shattering knowledge when it was spoken by my son at the Dead Sea. How blind are we?

12:00pm

 At My Son Place

Hi, my dearest mommy.  Thank you for coming to visit me. I love when you sit next to me. I can feel your presence closer to me.

Please don’t suffer my dearest mommy, I am always with you every minute and everywhere you go. Regardless where you go or where you are, I am with you.

I am forever your loyal son.  I am your wisest angel. You are right in thinking your soul had to become a soul of higher vibration. That way, in the end, we will be closer to each other than even now. And yes , you are also right in thinking that because you are here, you still have work to do.

However, you have to remember that you are not alone. You have to know that not only I, your son and angel, am with you, but also many other energies of love.

You are very loved and respected by us, Citizens of Heaven. I know that you like this name; that is who we really are, a labor force of Hashem (G-d).  

The darkness of the human soul is rooted in greed, envy, anger, and cruelty to fellow human beings.  Until we see and understand this, the darkness will continue to spread its wings upon the collective soul of humanity. The soil by which darkness grows is from greed, envy, and anger.

I’m not asking you to do anything at this time. You are not healed yet. It is too early for you. The content is not there yet. However, that is what I need you to do.  These are the steps:

1. Write with me everyday.
2. Listen to me everyday.
3. Heal yourself everyday.
4. Stop worrying everyday.
5. Stop suffering everyday.

That is plenty for you to do at this time. And remember to fight, fight, and fight for your life everyday.

I love you.  I miss you.  I am here with you. You always were and always will be my crazy and weird mom.

We are not done yet. This is only a beginning of an amazing path between a mother and her son. Take care till we speak again.

Be well. Be here. Be loved. And as you leave today, just remember:

• You’re not alone.
• G-d has a plan for you.
• We’re watching you at every step and at every moment.

9:57 a.m.

Hi, my dearest mom, once again you and I are on the pages of this notebook. This is where and how we meet on earth. The pages of this notebook are our place to hang out.

You are my dearest mom and I am your angel. If you have problems, talk to me.  Mom, I see you and your suffering. G-d sees that too. I know that you are tormented. I see the conflict and the cry of your soul.

And you’re right. Why should you trust and hope and live your life with an open heart when what you loved the most was taken away?  Or at least that’s how it feels. In all truth, I am closer to you than ever before.

I know it feels like I am gone. I ask is for you to trust this moment. Trust this page, this connection. Do not trust what is abstract. Trust this, which is concrete and real.

You and I are real. Our love for each other is real. Our relationship is real. Our connection is real. Absolutely nothing will change the fact that you are my mom, my crazy and weird mom. And I am your son, your joy and your light.

You are forever my mom. You are forever a mother. What else can be more real than that?

I am asking you, mom, to become more of a mom than you can ever be for me.  I need you mom. I still need you. 

I will always need you.

Think about it and we will talk later. I love you, Mom, thank you for talking to me.

Please remember that you are never alone, and I am always next to you.

Love you and care for you – Your son.

Note: My son was asking me to unfold as a mother according to his needs. The role of a mother is never stagnated. Without my children around me, I did not know who I was anymore.

So when my son came and reminded me that I was forever a mom, I understood that I still have room to unfold as a mother. He still needed me. It was very important to hear that my son still needed me. That changed and shifted everything!

It’s also incredible and interesting to see, to observe, that when we walk across the Desert of Death, everything in our life gets magnified.

Every minutia becomes bigger than life. Whatever we swept under the rug before, anything that was ignored, suppressed, not paid enough attention becomes bigger and more vivid than ever.

With that now in play, not only are we faced with the challenges that connected to our children, but also we are faced with every unresolved conflict we might have experienced before. The shadow of our life gets under the magnified glass of death. There is no shadow in the Desert of Death . . . only naked souls.

1:09 p.m.

Finally, Mom. You need to talk to me every day.  That must be your focus and priority. 

I know your students are important to you and you want to do a good job, but I feel you are giving them too much time and not enough to me. I am your son; I am your family. Make our conversation and me a priority. 

Now after chewing on you for a bit, let me tell you something, Mom.

1. I love you.
2. G-d has a plan for you.
3. You’re not alone, and you have many of us watching over you.
4. This is your time to fight for your life and what you stand for.

I understand you have a beef with G-d. That is okay, Mom. I would have that too if I was in your situation.  And yet, Mom, that does not mean that he does not love you.

What is that saying again? “What gives light must endure the burning” (Wildgans).

So mom, you were always a light.  That is why you suffered so tremendously. You will burn and suffer more regardless if you trust me and if you see or feel it yet. With time, you will be able to understand that more. 

What gives light must endure the burning.

In order for us to be together, your soul must grow and expand. Then, once again, we will be together as always.

I love you and want to help you in every way possible.  For that to happen, you must talk and listen to me everyday.

Note: That is why I came to believe that mothers who are chosen to be physically separated from their children are chosen for certain tasks or work to do. Of course it was very difficult to hear this.

I didn’t want to be chosen. Repeat: I didn’t want to be chosen.

I would give everything to not be in this position. Once again: Hearing all this was extremely difficult. Almost too impossible to swallow. 

I began to understand on a very deep level that everything in life is rented to us . . . As never before.

I began to ask if there was anything that was mine that can’t be touched. “What truly belongs to me on this Earth that I can hold to?” I asked again and again. 

I thought my skills, such as cooking and others, were mine. However, if I would have to develop arthritis or Alzheimer’s, then they too would get lost. The memory may disappear in the moment as well. So what is it?

The magnified glass now was placed over my life . . .

11:51am

Finally mom, what took you so long?  I asked you to talk to me everyday.  It means day after day, not after a couple days. Gosh mom, when will you learn to listen? 

Enough beating you over the head today, we have so much to go over.

1. Don’t even think about stopping your work with your therapist. You have to learn to fight for yourself.  You are not done yet.
2. Don’t worry about not teaching in the summer. Just chill mom and remember to smile.
3. Listen, fear or not, have money or not, have time or not, you must finish organizing your house.  Without doing that, you cannot go forward.

You should continue to swim.  It is good for you.  In the end, the vibration of your soul must be raised.

How?  I will guide you.  In regards to your relationship with your mom, let me tell you something.  I’m not judging you.  I hear now. I see now.

Do what you need to do. I support you, mom. Remember, mom, you are free.

Do as you wish, as you feel, and know that I am on your side with love, and I appreciate everything you did or tried to do so I could have a normal childhood with grandparents around. I adore you.  

6:52pm

I had a vision with my son, which I had not recorded at the time. However the conversation we had afterwards directly correlated to the vision.

In my vision, my son came to me and said, “Mom, do you remember when I and my brother would go away to some place and then when we came back home, we would look messy and hungry?  You would always clean us up after a journey. You are on a journey too. Everyone is in fact on a journey. The truth is that Earth is not our home.  It is our home away from home. And when our journey is over, we return to our true home. That is where I am right now.  I am at home. That is where you are going.  That is where everyone will go.  Though we cannot control when our journey ends, what we can control is how and in what condition we are in when we go home.  You can either enter home as a shining star or as someone who needs a bath upon entering. This is what I want you to be aware of and choose how you are going home by considering every action, word, and response.  Choose how you are going home. 

This vision gave me the clarity so when I entered a difficult situation, I would repeat to myself, “I’m going home.” 

Hi Mommy,

Hi my dearest. Finally we are talking again. Please listen to me, I really need you to listen to me. Please do not worry.  I really need you to remember that G-d has a plan for you. There is no way you can run or hide from that plan. It’s impossible. On your way home, you will have to face what G-d has planned for you. You must. There is no other way. Just please know that whatever it is, you will be able to deal with it. Just walk one day at a time and think something like this: Today I am sitting in my beautiful house which I made for myself; today I will try to go for a swim; today I will be able to buy food and eat; today, right now, I am talking to my son; today I am fine, well, and comfortable. That is all.  That is the plan for today.

You see mom, your worrying is not contributing to the wellness of your soul. Do you want to come home shining, well and sound? Then worrying has no room in your life. Just trust and accept. That is all. Remember this and trust and accept. Trust the plan. Accept the plan. Trust that you can and will deal with it. Accept the weather in which you live. Accept the climate of the plan. Trust that you will be provided.  Trust this is the best plan for you.

You must build your confidence in Divine Providence. You must build confidence in you. You must build confidence in the plan. You, Divine Providence, and the Plan are what are important.

You must build confidence in you.

I’m next to you on every step. I will bring you home, mom. I will guide you home, mom. I’m traveling with you.  You are not alone.  You never were and never will be. You’re loved so dearly. The Universe loves you dearly. Please know that you’re loved very much.  So my dearest weird and crazy mom, try to go for a swim.  I love you.  Thank you for listening.

-Your son.