1:05 p.m.

Note: Once in a while, I would face hurtful comments from people who did not understand the grief, pain, and devastation that go with a shift of child. I don’t remember the exact comments, at least not all of them, but I noticed that it was affecting me more than usually. Many people were compassionate, but many were also straightforwardly mean. To some degree, it was unexpected.

For example, a longtime friend of mine called me up one day. Without asking any questions about me, he just went on his usual “complain tour.” 

Then, during a long monologue, he mentioned to me that he went to the temple to pray for his friend who had just moved away. I broke my silence and asked, “May I ask you to pray for me?”

He answered, “I don’t have time for you.” Then he added, “I only pray for people whom I can see, and you are just too far away.”  

My dearest, dearest mom.  Why are you thinking about other people’s nonsense? You will never be able to change the world.  People will be people. 

That is why I need you to protect and preserve yourself from the meanness and misunderstandings of other people. They do not get you or your pain.

How can you do that? Very simple: let them be who they are and let yourself be who you are.

Not everyone has kindness in his or her heart. That is why life on earth is so hard. 

If people could change their hearts, life would be much easier for all of us.

That is why G-d continues to take us back to school to learn over and over again. What else can I tell you mom?

Thank you for your love and please remember I will always be right next to you, but you must protect yourself.

10:38 a.m.

Note: My son was born on December 5. As his 19th birthday approached, I was stuck in a state of shock, not knowing how to deal with this coming event.

Around that time, I faced another crisis. On one hand, I fully and entirely understood that the architect is the creator of the plan for my life. What really hit me then was the awareness that G-d is responsible for my grief and sorrow. I did not care if it was right or wrong because I was in so much pain. If the departure of my son was written by the author of my life (G-d), then my pain is a result of his writing.

On the other hand, my son comes to speak with me regularly and teaches me how to deal with all that. Many forces from Divine Providence, like the spirit of Tzfat, came to help me and heal me. That brings me to ask, “Why did you hurt me in the first place?”

Why did you cut my hands off and then come and teach me how to live without them? The closer I moved toward my son’s birthday, the deeper the conflict manifested itself. My younger son always loved to celebrate his birthday, and something was always planned on his special day.

Losing him and having his birthday coming up shattered me over and over again. It was the thought that I would never be able to come early in the morning to hide presents for him and watch that first expression on his face that killed me. This new awareness killed me!

Hi my dearest mommy,

Once again, you and I are speaking here today. I know you are very sad that my earth birthday is coming up. Now look, I have two birthdays. One as an earthly boy on December 5th and another as a star (celestial) child on April 18th. Is that not cool?

You have many questions. What to do for me? How to approach it? What else can be done? How to celebrate me in my life?

Mom, you always knew what I wanted. Or if you did not know, you would always ask me just as what you are doing now.

So what do I want my birthday to be from above? Mom, I want your love. I want your smile. I want you to be next to me with your kisses and hugs. And I want presents. So how can you deliver all that to a celestial child?

1. Love me in your heart.
2. Keep me in your thoughts.
3. Come and sit with me at my place.
4. Bring me flowers, bring me rocks.
5. Read to me the 20th Psalms of David.
6. Light a candle.
7. Bring your notebook so we can talk.
8. Most of all and the biggest of them all: fight for your life.

Take up a cause that you can do during this year. Promise me something that is bigger than you and let’s do it together. Let me have that as our present.

I know if you promise, you will do it. Choose an act of goodness. Choose something that will bring you joy and will remind you of me every time. Take your time and think about it.

Your soul will know. You know me. You know yourself. We are very similar.

Do not worry; it will come to you. Just open yourself up and it will come. Trust mom, and you can check with me as well. Just remember it must be meaningful to you too.

Talk to you shortly,
Your Celestial Son

1:52 p.m.

Note 1:

My tears flow from a river that is broken by a sudden fall at the end of its path. At the bottom, there is nothing but rocks covering a body of water.

It might be that the water represents our human tears breaking down the rocks, or maybe we are the ones falling down breaking our bones on the jagged rocks and then drowning and sinking to the bottomless floor.

Silence. There is deep silence, except for the murmuring of the waterfall. Is anyone listening? Is anyone watching? Does anyone care?

I know that I can never say that G-d does not exist. I know that he/she is there. I really feel and know that G-d is there.

However, with all my broken mother’s heart, I demand you, G-d, to show your face. Let’s talk face-to-face. Enough hiding. You want me to be strong and brave and have faith. I have plenty of faith in you, and it’s time you show faith in me. I am your daughter. Show me your faith in me; show me your face.

Come to the meadows of Earth and meet me. Come to the waterfall of our tears and speak to me. I am a mother and you have my son. I command you to open your door and come out! Enough promises!

Are you, G-d, brave enough to look into the eyes of a grieving mother? Turn your face to me and look into my eyes. I have nothing to hide from you. What are you hiding from me?

That is right, Mommy, that is right.  You have to fight for your life. You must fight for your life! 

Your enemy is yourself: your ego, darkness, and the unacknowledged pieces of your soul. You must know, my loving and kind mother, that you are not alone.

We, your star family (celestial family), love you and are watching you.  We want to remind you of the following:

• We are by your side.
• This is the most important work you have ever done.
• You are ready for it.

Your life belongs to G-d and you have to treat that with respect. Bring the joy back.  When you live with joy, you are using your G-d given life correctly.

Help is available to you. You are very much loved, watched, supported, listened, and cared for.  We, your celestial family, love you.  

I, your son, love you. The creator of the universe loves you too. Now, it’s your turn to love who you are piece by piece.  Then your love will be installed in every cell of your being.  When respect for who you are is installed or restored, then the conflict will be over. There will be no more wars. Where love and respect lives, war stops.

For now, fight for your life.  Fight, Mom, fight.

You are worth fighting for.

I will be fighting for you too the same way you have fought for me many times. You have already won so many battles for me and my life.

Now it’s my turn and your turn to fight for you. Let’s do this, mom, together: you and I fighting together shoulder to shoulder for your life, my mom.  I love you incredibly so.

Forever and ever,
You star boy, star son, star child.

I love you, Mom. Trust me that you are the best.

Note 2: This conversation is the first time the line “fight for your life” stared straight into my eyes. I could not remember if he said that to me before. If he did, it did not make any mark.

However, this time it was fully present and fully there, and I had no room and nowhere to hide. It is similar to the phrase “G-d has a plan for you.” 

It hit me so strongly as if I’ve never heard it before. Yet, though I was holding the phrase, I did not know what to do with it and what it meant.

I surely understand the meaning overall, but in terms of practical steps, what does it really mean? I did not know, and because I did not know, it became my quest to learn and investigate the truth behind “fight for your life.” 

I knew how to fight for the life of my children. I knew how to fight for the life of my friends or the people around me if they need it. But I did not have the slightest idea of what it means to fight for my own life.

Do you know what it exactly means to fight for your life?

9:45am

Hi, mommy.  It’s already been seven months. Time flies very fast on Earth but here it feels like it has only been a mini second.

There, where you are, everything feels longer and more difficult.  Here, time does not exist. I have to say that’s amazing. 

The concept of time is one of the segments that really affect reality and does not really support “Now.” You, mom, can shake time. When you do that, you will realize there was never seven months between us, and that I never really left.

Though it is true that I went into your dream to give you the time of my departure, I did it for one reason.  That is so you can deal with earthly matters.

I know you are still thinking back to that night with more questions and doubts. I don’t want to sound harsh but you need to stop that. Stop, stop, stop!  Mom, stop it. That is my life. My destiny. My time. My path. You as my mom must love and support me through all this.

I know I was giving you a hard time before and I know that I am giving you an even harder time now, but that is the path of a mother.  A mother must walk with her child no matter what. 

Your focus as a mother must be on the child’s needs.  You know this; you’ve done it before. I need you to do it again and again. You are my mom. You are the best and I will forever be your son. 

A mother must walk with her child no matter what.

I am sorry I am not physically there, but I am here with you my dearest mother. I am sitting next to you, hugging you right now.  Can you feel it?  Mommy, I love you.  Remember, G-d has a plan for you.

Hi my dearest mom,

Here is the seventh lunar month since my freedom.  I know this may sound harsh to you, but this is the truth.  Our bodies are so limited and restricted. Plus, all the pain, aches, and emotions—oh yes, emotions—are human electricity or the source of human energy.  They move us, stop us, heal us, and cripple us.

Even here in the vast majority of space, in the unlimited and infinite energetic field, even here we feel human emotions.  We feel smiles and suffering.

Is human life about suffering? Yes and no. Yes on that pain and suffering. Yes, that’s what most humans see in the Realm of Illusions, but not if seen from the Realm of Truth. In the Realm of Truth, we see it as a resistance to work for our soul.

As you swim, you move your feet, legs, and arms through water, slicing it to create movement. So as everything creates movement, we must push and push through pain and suffering everyday. Slice it, through the thickness of the matter at hand. So why does one need to face more training in resistance than others? That is a different question.

Is man born to suffer? The answer is I am not sure, because it depends on the psychology of the approach, religious background, and belief system. However, what I know for sure is that man was born to labor!

Is labor suffering? Is it the labor of the soul that is responsible for human suffering?  Is the labor of the soul a manufacturing plant for compassion, love, and nurturing?

Think about it, mom. In the meanwhile, come back to the knitting. We have work to do: scarves to design. My design: your labor. That is G-d’s formula.

3:16pm

Hi, my dear mom. Wow, you have a new notebook. Don’t be scared of the black cover.   It will become the most healing of all notebooks.

I know that sometimes you question yourself whenever I share with you something very important and whether or not what you hear is true. What should I say to you mommy? Stop your doubts? To be patient? To trust? 

Nothing is going to help you at this time since you are in so much pain. So little time has passed.  My suggestion at this time is don’t push it and don’t stress about it. Just take one day at a time.

Trust your soul. Trust your guts. Trust you. Trust me. Everything else is not your problem. The biggest healing will come from focusing forward.  Remember : “Eternal life, eternal light.”

This is what your life is; it is G-d’s breath. Just keep breathing. Keep living.

So much work needs to be done. I will need every ounce of you, mom, so take the time now to heal. Heal your heart, mind, and soul.

I will need all of you very soon. Remember, above all, G-d has a plan for you. That’s it mom. 

G-d has a plan for you. Now let it all unfold. Don’t fight; don’t resist. Let it happen. That is all for today. 

Take care.

Love—your son.

9:11 a.m. 

Hi, my dearest mom. I’m so glad you are much calmer today. This makes it easier for me to approach and talk to you.

Note: Once again, he pinpointed that my emotions played a tremendous role on when and how he was able to approach me. We need to become more aware that our emotional state has an impact on our communication with our children in the Realm of Truth and other spiritual beings. The calmer we are, the more balanced we become, which makes it easier to communicate and create a flow. 

1. We talked about me and then about politics overall.
2. We talked about our family’s financial situation.
3. We talked about his friends.
4. Once again, we talked about the headstone.

I will never leave your side, mom. Trust me. I’m not only in your head or memories. I’m very much in your presence. Look at me mom, look at me.

I am here. Please trust me. Please trust me. That is all that I am asking of you. Trust me. I love you, mom, beyond any spoken language. I know that you love me even more so.

I am very sorry I cannot kiss or hug you. I am sorry I left. But that had to happen. It was planned in the book for me, the plan that was designed by our master.

We have no control over that. So my dearest mom, please accept my love and acknowledge that I am here. Acknowledge that I did not leave you.