12:35pm

Hi mommy, long time since we’ve talked. I know it was really hard for you the last week. What can I say, mom? Hang in there. The time for changes is here.

The political and economical situation in US will be changing rapidly. Quite soon, people will see that the President is not who he wants everyone to see. The country will be driven almost to the ground and that means that across the states, people will be affected economically and financially at a larger scale.

And your financial situation will not be an easy one as well. That is why I need you to not invest much of you in this subject. Keep a distance. I will guide you.

I know that it’s not easy for you to do the headstone for me. However, this is what you need to do.

1. Do not push yourself
2. Do make decisions based on your gut feelings. Don’t worry about the text. I will help you with it. (Note: Later on he dictated to me what he wanted on his memorial plate.)

10:05 a.m.

Note 1: When my son physically left me, it created a vacuum. There was no need to do anything for anyone. Being accustomed to taking care of others all my life, suddenly I was faced with the fact that I have to take care of myself only.

After living a life full of tasks and things to do, I had no idea how to do new “that.” The clock stopped. The music was replaced by silence. The bright light was replaced by darkness. From playing in the meadows of life, I now was in the Desert of Death . . . with only a guide—my son.

Hi, my dearest mom, hi.  Mom, you are so confused today. Once again we did not write with you for several days. I know that you have a lot of questions on your mind: what to do and which direction to go?

This is what I have to say to you mom: you are not ready? Don’t go anywhere yet. Just go with what the day presents to you. 

Remember G-d has a plan for you and it will unfold. Stick to the basic and stay with the routine. Eat right, walk, and clean what needs to be cleaned.

You must take care of yourself. It is not easy but you must do it. You must create a new flow.  The Flow within without us being physically present in your face.

Yes, Mom, you have to swim for your life, one stroke at a time.

It does not matter if you’re the last one in the pack—I was that once. What counts mom, is that you were there and did not give up. That is what being brave means, mom.

(Here, in regard to swimming: He was referring to the first few months after joining the swim team in which he always came in last.  I was so proud that he kept going to practices and eventually got stronger and wasn’t last anymore.)

Don’t think about what, how, where, etc.  You will be guided.  There is a plan for that.

Focus on you, one stroke at a time. If you need time to stop and cry, do so. Then start again and again.  Not only will I be watching you from above, I will be swimming right next to you.

Note 2: Every conversation at this time was with the focus to help me deal with the need to make a headstone for him. What can be more challenging than for mothers, parents, to be faced with the fact and a need to order a monument for their child? What else?

From that point on (for about eight months), I was going to sleep and wake up with thoughts about the earthly obligations for the burial service. I did not know how to approach that.

The need to make a headstone hung on my head and was crushing me. I felt like I was pressed between rocks or put through a meat grinder, and it was breaking me to the smallest particles.

Every night I went to bed in excruciating pain. As we were thinking about his headstone, we started to think about headstones for the rest of the family. This is why our conversations at this time were really intense. 

12:25pm

Hi my dear mommy,

Happy Rosh Hashana to you with many blessings from above. I prayed and prayed for all of you yesterday and for the whole world that suffers so much pain.

We absolutely need Divine intervention; intervention is coming.  Yes, the economy will sink even more so. But mom, this is not about events.

This is about the journey of the soul on earth at this moment. The main criteria as following:

• Are you able to live the will of Divine Providence with full acceptance of his plans without becoming fearful or sour?
• Do you have enough trust to know that this all is pre-planned and is all needed for the development of your soul?
• Can you stand in the midst of the storm and with confidence say it is all good and all right. Can you say with sweetness and confidence, “I accept, I surrender, I trust?”

If you can and if you do so, then know this: you are sitting on the palm of G-d and there is no connection closer to this.

Trust is what gives you the intimate relationship between you and our creator.

So, what is your trust level?  How close are you to your creator? Yes, accepting the will of G-d and living with the will of G-d are two different stages.

The test of all tests is the ability to live the will of G-d through any weather with sweetness in the soul and peace in the heart.

When you do so, then know that you are contributing to the manifestation of common intervention. The army that wins battlefields is the army that trusts its general.

That is all that I have say today.

With love,

–Your celestial son.

11:11 a.m.

Note: After all the experiences I went through, I could not see my son’s departure as death. So words like “cemetery,” “death,” “loss,” and other similar words that mean a permanent end are not used in my vocabulary.

I absolutely could not utilize vocabulary that described physical death, simply because it was not true to me. I chose to address this entire situation from a different reality. From a soulful approach.

With a new reality, the vocabulary shifted as well. Therefore, instead of the word “cemetery,” we called it “my son’s place.” (By the way, the image that you see here is the picture that I took while we were visiting our son at his place.)

Without any doubt as a mother, I absolutely knew that my son, his soul, is alive but in a different form. The vocabulary that my husband and I started to use was from the new reality we chose to live and function in. 

Hi, Mommy, so you came to visit me again. I understand how difficult this all is for you.  I can see everything and there is nothing I have not told you. 

I love you very much. I am very sorry that my exit caused so much pain to the entire family. Mom, I’m deeply sorry, please forgive me, but this had to happen. If it wasn’t suppose to happen, it wouldn’t have happened.

So a new Jewish New Year is starting. This is not an easy time for you and there will be challenging times ahead.  With that, remember that Divine Providence has a plan for you.

Talk to me. Ask me. Consult with me because I am always around you. Soon we will all be together again. You must have faith.

What else? I really want you to take care of yourself, Mom.  You need to eat right, sleep, and rest. Please don’t worry about anything. 

Just stop worrying.

I understand it is much easier to say than do, but it is very important not to get stressed out and worry. Just take your life and give it to Divine Providence. 

Then, just walk, step by step.  I will be walking right by your side. This is all I have to say to you today. 

Thank you for coming to visit me again.  Please come again.  I will tell you when. Now, go home and know that I am walking next to you.

I love you XO—your celestial son.

8:39 p.m.

Note: After coming back to Israel, I was not able to see my son as clearly as I did there. At some point, I became fearful and even paranoid that I would forget my son and would not remember how he feels and how he smells. I was terrified that time was going to erase him from my memories. That thought caused me excruciating pain. 

Hi, Mom.  Just want to say hi to you. We did not talk all day.  You were not writing.  I feel closer to you when you write.

Yes, no one could have done anything about my departure.  I think this is the hardest part for you—accepting and surrendering to the will of Divine Providence. Mom, do not worry.  You will always remember me. 

Mom, you will see me in dreams a lot.  You will see and feel me and the night will become our time. When your soul is rested, we will play.

The night will become our time!

And about the world—changes are coming and a new time is coming.  Do not fear.  Trust that the will of Divine Providence will be done and there is a plan for everyone. I love you.  Try to relax.

We will talk soon again.

4:58pm

Hi, my dearest mom, how are you feeling today? Welcome back home. I know it must be very lonely without my brother and me. 

I know how much you loved to hug and kiss me.  I still miss that a lot. The physical connection was great and it is hard without it. However, it is what it is.

You are here and I am there. Earth life and star (celestial) life are different realities and different fields.  However, I am very glad you can hear me and that we are talking to each other. Just remember that Divine Providence has a plan for you, everyone, and us.

Mom, I need you to get organized.  Focus, clean up, and get it together.  I know it will take time.  I know that you changed. You need time and you will feel it.

What else? 

Just keep talking to me and remember G-d’s plan.  Keep on living.

Just know that I am always around you.  I am loving and watching you.

I love you mom,

—your son.

7:45am

Hi, my mom, welcome back. Don’t be sad, mom, if you don’t know what is in store for you. Just know that G-d is compassionate and everything will be all right. 

Have more trust and hope that G-d has something special planned for you that do not involve pain and struggle. I want to thank you for the gifts you brought to me. (We brought balls of salt from the Dead Sea to put on his resting place). 

I know, mom, that this transition is not easy for you by any means. One day we will all be together again.  Remember that we are not going to lose each other.

Mom, you are the center of our family.  Therefore, it is very important for you to keep the right perspective. The right perspective is:

G-d has plans for you.

• G-d has plans for all of us.
• Divine Providence is compassionate and good.
• You have family.
• You have a community and you need to have a place there.
• You need to work on your inner Kinneret and take the drama out of life.
• Take the “salt” out of your life and concentrate on creating your own Dead Sea so you can heal.

You can only heal if your Kinneret is balanced by the Dead Sea.  We will talk more about it later.  Just remember you need to focus and take responsibility for your life. 

You have duties to fulfill and one of them is to be a mother.  You must remain in a healthy lifestyle.  As you see, I’m giving you a lot of musts and have to’s. 

Anyway mom, the most important things for you are to be aware of and know that you are loved very much so. We love you mom.  We all love you.  Please take care of yourself and trust that.

Divine Providence wants what is good for you.  Please adjust your inner sadness to inner confidence.

Be my Lake Kinneret, mom. Make your soul my Lake Kinneret.

I love you mom. Time to go.  We will talk soon.

Your celestial son—always.