5:09am

Stop waiting for whatever you are waiting for. If you keep waiting you will be disappointed.

1. Stop waiting for someone to behave in a different way when he or she has not changed for the last 40 years. Don’t you think 40 years of waiting is enough?
2. Stop waiting and thinking that he or she will get it and everything will change. Is 50 years not enough?
3. Stop waiting and wanting and hoping.
4. Stop waiting for phone calls, emails, or just something. Stop waiting.

If someone wants to call you, it will happen without your hopes and waits. It will happen when it’s time. It will happen not because you want it or wished for it; it will happen on its own terms, not on your desires and wishes.

You waited for your children to grow up, so now what? Do not wait anymore for anyone or anything.

What are you waiting for? For a better day or better time? This is your better day and this is your better time.

This is it, like it or not, so learn to like it. Stop waiting for anything or anyone. Stop it.

Your waiting started here. Your waiting now stops here. Do what you can do today and that is that. Let people surprise you instead of disappoint you.

Be content and be complete with what is. Don’t wait for your grandchildren to be borne. Just know that it will happen when time is right.

Stop waiting. Stop wishing. Those who call do not keep you waiting. Those who don’t, why wait for them?

Don’t waste any more time on waiting. What are you waiting for? Do what you think needs to be done. Do what you can.  Do it today. Do it now. Don’t wait.

Free yourself from the web of illusion, useless and unnecessary weights, silly hopes, and empty dreams. Replace a life of weights and hopes for a life of what is and a life of faith.

Trust that whatever should happen will happen. Trust that whatever you shall receive, you will. Stop planning your life around other people. Stop stopping what you need to do because you are waiting for others. Stop stop stop.

Everything boils down to you supporting your life and not waiting for others to change, get it, call, be something, and do things.  Do not wait.

Stop comparing what you would do in this situation to others. They are not you and you are not them. Do what you need to do when you need to do it.

Stop waiting, wanting, just stop. Let everyone go. I’m here with you, waiting for you mom. I am, mom, waiting for you. Why do you want or need anything else? We are enough. You and I, we and G-d, must be enough.

You’re never alone. You’re never in need. You are never ever not cared for and watched over.

You must learn to be content and be enough. You are enough, mom. You are, in fact, just as you shall be. If you were anything different, it would because you have to be.

Do what you know and when you know, and know that you are enough. Know that you are enough and plenty for me.

You must be enough and plenty for you. I love you, mom. I am with you. Now be with me and let everyone go. I truly mean everyone. Let them go and let us be.

Do not question anyone. Do not wait for anyone. Don’t fight for anyone. Don’t question, don’t wait for anyone, don’t ask for anything. Just stop stop stop stop.

Just accept whatever the wave of life brings to your shore. Try that. Just try. Just learn how to receive. Trust that the universe will send you everything you need. Let your struggles and fears melt away.

We are together, I will protect you mom. Please let me protect you. You did that and so much more for me. Now is my turn. Let me take care of you.

Let me hold you in my arms now. Let me deliver your needs to you. You mom, just rest. Leave the rest to me. Please trust me.

Just take a breath and let everything go. Everything and everyone. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Let me take away the weight from your shoulder. Take everything off your shoulder and allow me to take care of that load.

Mom, you have done your share. That is all. Let it go and just be. Just close your eyes and rest in my arms. I’m here mom, waiting for you. I love you

~ your loyal son.

1:18pm

My dearest mommy, I love you so much. The Universe loves you so much. We are so proud that you are fighting for your life and stepping forward. No one can stop you.

You must walk away from individuals that do not support you and find a place that is supportive of you. Even if you feel like you’re not doing enough, you are doing plenty.

Are you also learning how to be supportive of yourself? Acknowledge your own needs. Make your life your priority. You have always put the needs of others in front of your own. 

Now you have to learn to put your needs in front of everyone else’s.  Being at service to Divine Providence and being used by others are two very different things.  You do not have to be victimized. You can walk away and speak up.

That is why you need to walk away and let G-d take care of whatever needs to be taken care of. Heaven knows, hears, and watches.

You are free from everything that is not serving you right now. You are free to go. You are free to walk away and not to endure unnecessary suffering. That is that.

4:40am

Living an unplanned life…Yes mom, everything boils down to how to live a life we did not plan. Yes, living an unplanned life. What a title, what a path!

Living an unplanned life is not equal to a life on stage. Living an unplanned life is not glamorous or a walk in the park. Living an unplanned life means turbulence, ambiguity, many struggles, and many hours alone.

In many cases, living an unplanned life is a life of silence and many shed tears. Living an unplanned life is living in the palms of G-d. It is a life of trust and a life without fear. Living an unplanned life is a life of embracing what is given and what is. It is living life in the moment.

Living an unplanned life requires one to develop quietness within. It is about wanting to live without wanting to change it. It is about letting it move through you without destroying you. It is about letting go while holding on. It is about accepting while still fighting. It is about being in peace while in the biggest battle and being unsettled when the ocean is still.

It is about wanting to live without wanting to change it.

Living the unplanned life is a life of paradoxes, miracles, “should-not-have-beens”, and “could-not-happen.” It is a life of disbelief, but with faith and trust. It is a life of walking barefooted on the sharp edge of a stainless blade.

No one can prepare you. No one can help you. No one can guide you. No one can do it for you; no one except Divine Providence.

Living an unplanned life is living. It is true; it is real.

Living a life according to our plan is a trap, lie, and an illusion. The most difficult thing about an unplanned life is understanding your place in it. Once you understand it, then you must claim it.

Most likely what happened before will have no meaning in the life after. In other words, if your life before the shift was to some degree according to your will, plans, and visions, thus full of hopes and meanings, then the life after will have none of that.

In fact, it will take three to four years to comprehend how life will unravel. Life will never ever be as it was before. The trajectory of our path is altered forever till the last breath we take.

Regardless of how many tears we may shed or how many sleepless nights we endure, our path will not be restored to as it once was and it will not rid our current life-after.

An unplanned life, the life-after, is just a gift we want to send away without wrapping. To accept unwanted gifts is one of the biggest challenges. It doesn’t look or feel like a gift at all. Nevertheless, it is.

The unplanned life, the life-after, is a field where you have to meet yourself, face yourself, live with yourself, and deal with every light, gray, or dark part of you. They are the parts you would not be able to stand or must learn to respect.

The life-after is the life we are secretly or openly wishing away. It is something that our whole being and every cell reject. It is profoundly foreign to us just like a vegetable we’ve never seen or tasted before. It just doesn’t agree with us.

If it did agree with us, it would be in our plans. Alas it’s repulsive and promotes vomiting. It is like food that makes us gag no matter how healthy it is. The unplanned life is like food that is forced on us. It is something we have to learn to swallow and digest.

That is why when under public eye, we swallow what is given to us to appear as strong as a nail, but when we are alone at home, we puke and puke. Just like a troubled teenager, we are left alone with the heavy burden of life. Without the proper care, we are destined to disappear.

Note : After I finished writing the above, I felt sick. So my son interrupted the dictation and said:

Mom what is happening to you? I know it is very hard, but you will get your break and you will survive. Just survive today. Just be with me today. Endure, endure, endure. I know you don’t want to do anything else. You don’t have to; I am with you.

12:21pm

Hi mommy,

Look my dearest, no one can pull you from where you are; only you can.

You can have all the knowledge in the world, know all the mysteries of the universe, unlock all the secrets that are there, read all the letters of creation as if it was your name.

But if you do not want to live or have the will for life, or do not follow what is already given to you, revealed to you, explained to you, make known to you or do not embrace what is calling to you, accept what is right in front of you or do not stick to what you know… then it does not matter if you know anything or nothing at all.

Yes, everything is a lie. Yes,  there are illusions, manipulations, and struggles for controlling your mind. But who are you? How many times did you lie to yourself? How many times did you betray yourself? How many? 

What I am saying here is that  :

You are the one who has to do it. You have to move your body. You have to clean your room. You have to cook your food. You have to take your shower. You have to do it for you, not because of anyone else.

Do it just for you, because you are worth it.

You are worth this time and effort. If you really cannot do it for yourself, than do it for me.  You are still my mom and I love you.

Just being in bed will not get you far.  You must spend time in the office, showering, and exercising. I know that is not easy for you.

I know that, mom, but do not betray yourself. As others betrayed you!

 Do not give up on yourself. As others left you!

You must break the spell.

You must put down your routine and work. But first and foremost: You will have to want to live. You must have a will to live.

And you don’t at this moment. I see all -you do not even care if you wake up tomorrow. You do not want to wait around. You do not really like yourself right now.

Till you do – nothing will change. Nothing will shift.

I want you to want to live.
I want you to want to care.
I want you to want to fight.
I want you to want to be front and center.
I want you to be you
As you always have been.
I want you to not be broken.

I love you, mom.

11:55pm

My dearest mommy, once again you are losing focus. Once again, Fear-Based Mentality is taking over you and that is okay.  That only means that you are human and not a picture of perfection and that there is a lot of work for you.

1 .First let me be clear. The Fear-Based Mentality is a mental stage that first and foremost suggests that you are not yet firmly sitting on one chair—the chair of ZDD as I mentioned before.

2. It points out that you are soaked with the fear of the environment around you: TV, social media, people, etc.  The pool of collective energy, fear, and anger are not for you. As you can clearly see, it’s polluted. So try not to read or listen or be in contact with those sources that may become stressors in your current life.

3 .You need to remember that you will be shifting back and forth for a while, and that is okay. The time you spend in Fear-Based Mentality will recede and the existence of that reality will stop.

4 . Let’s talk about the fear you developed after my shift: the Fear of Being Alone.  I want to make something very clear here. You never were and never will be alone. That is just not possible. Not only am I always holding your hand, but the others are here too. Your fear comes from the need to have humans next to you. Let me ask you this. Make a list of people you want to see and be around. How many are there? Who are they? It is not only about people. It is all about my brother, my dad, and me. Well in that case, I am as close as I can be and nothing more can be done.

5. So, what is left? What is left is that you and I need to work more and move our project forward. And here I depend on you and your ability to work. When we work together, there is no room for you to work alone. With that, leave everything to Divine Providence and make your day so intense with work that you will have no time for worrying. If you cannot work, you cannot work. If you cannot move, you can’t move. If you can’t write, so you can’t write. Ask the Divine Hand to move you, heal you, and inspire you. That is all that you need.

6. In the end, the less you expose yourself to fear, the better. The more you can move the body, the better. The more you can write, the better. The more you can make yourself focus, the more will happen.

7. Yes, the shift from a full house to an empty house is not only heartbreaking, but also tremendously challenging.  So give yourself a break. Do write with me daily. Have time with me daily and you will feel much better.

I love you. I watch over you.

~ Your loyal son.

2:40pm

My Son’s Place

My dearest mommy, why are you falling down again into this cold and deep and dark cavity of space?  When will you start to understand that people are people?  You do not need anything from them and you do not need to depend on them.

Unfortunately, this is the deal right now: humanity is lacking compassion and kindness. That is a fact. That is why you must stay strong and be okay with that darkness and the illness of the human heart and soul. 

I know it’s easier said than done, but here is the key. You must remember:

1. You’re not alone.
2. The Divine family and community are here with you.
3. Divine love is always streaming and always available.

Therefore the food for the soul is there, so you should not feel deprived. You should not feel cut off or not needed. There is room for you under the sun and a role you still have to play. Please do not give up on yourself and us.

As I am always with you forever and ever, I am not going anywhere. My place is next to you, even if there’s no one else left. Even if everyone else abandons you, I will not. I will walk with you through thick and thin as I have done for the last three years.

So why are you losing yourself again? You should know better. Why would you allow the Earthly heaviness to enter you?  Divine Providence put you here. Divine Providence has gotten you this far. Divine Providence loves you and knows your true needs and hence, provides them. What else do you want? 

Mom, I’m not trying to sound cruel, but I must say the following to you with all my love and heart. Mom, you’re lacking spiritual discipline. Your self-indulgence in darkness will take you nowhere, except where you already are – a dark, cold, sorrowful place.

Why is it so difficult for you to hold Divine Love in your heart?

Think about it. Stop sabotaging your development. You have plenty to do. And stop focusing on the pain others have caused you.  That is between them and G-d.

Your focus must only be on you. That is all.

I love you,

Your very loyal son.

1:09pm

At My Son’s Place

Hi my dearest mommy. There is no love stronger than a mother’s love and children’s love: we are loyal to each other forever and ever. There will be a day, such a long awaited day, when we will meet again. For now, we must keep alive what we already have. 

Our love, communication, and commitment is to be the best we can and as big as we can be. Our soul is ever growing. Our soul is always expanding. There’s no limit to the expansion of our souls. When we nurture that growth, than one soul and one light can heal many, but you and I are not the only ones. 

We are only the particles of the flame of many.  The stronger our bond and the stronger our flame, the more darkness can be swept away in a matter of minutes.

The universe as a whole is going through tremendous changes as we speak. There are forces that are trying to snuff out the Flame of Love by pretending to be Love.

They try to cut off the supply of prosperity to the soul through bondage, but they will not succeed as long as others remember who they are, honor where they came from, and dedicate themselves to speak and act out in their G-d given beauty and everlasting truth—the truth that speaks clear and loud.

You are not alone. You are a gift and treasure from G-d’s creation.  You are more than pain and sorrow.  You are more than “Not Enough” and “Too Hard.” You are not “Anger, Envy, and Betrayal.”  You are not “Darkness.” 

You are “Light” and “Beauty” and “Endless possibilities,” all rooted and growing from the source of Truth.

You are more than pain and sorrow.

The darkness will pass just as a dark storm cloud. The pain will melt like an ice cube on a sunny day. The envy and anger will disappear only if you stop fearing.

Fear not others.  Fear not the memories or who you truly are. Protect that with all you have and all you are.

The darker the night; the brighter our stars.

Shine mom, and I will shine next to you just as all children of Heaven will shine next to their parents.  There is no stronger bond than between a child and his/her parents.

Keep in mind that we are all children of G-d. We are all children of love.  We are all children of beauty, grace, and compassion.

We all fell from Heaven to bring this to Earth and that is why I want you to remember this. Once again, I remind you of this simple truth so you can remind others.

It is so sad that the simplest things are either not seen or are forgotten. It is a human paradox to search for life in complex and mixed ways when the most honest part of reality is simple, but easily pushed away. It is strange, that we humans search for what is right in front of our eyes.

The love, dignity, honor, and the simplicity of life according to the plan is outlined for each of us. Be “Love”, be “Grace”, be “Kindness” everywhere you go. Be just that and everything will fall into place.

Time is not an issue. Place is not an issue. Age, gender, nationality, race, etc, are not issues. Each of us was given a soul. Each of us was given a heart and that is plenty enough. So much can be said and almost nothing is needed. 

Remember who you are. We are watching you. We are watching over you and pouring our love and support into the hearts and souls and hands of those who are open to receiving and ready to share it and give it away. 

Humanity will survive. Humanity is not in danger. Humanity is Love.  Love is invincible and will last forever.  If you want eternal life, then accept and share eternal Love.

It is that simple. That is all for today. Remember me. Remember you. Remember us. 

Love you forever and ever,

Your Son.