1:11 p.m.

Note: At this time, I was going through a challenging time with my husband. And my husband was going through a challenging time with me. This situation is “normal” and “expected” when families are dealing with major life changes and tragic events. Many relationships do not survive. We did. It took lots and lots of efforts from each of us. 

But at that time I did not know if we would. Everything, I mean everything, was crushing down.

Without my children by my side. Without that shared deep connection that we all had, I was not only in the deepest pain, but constantly searching for something. I even do not know what that something was or is. It was ambiguous and elusive. What was I looking for?

Our whole family structure has shifted, and its dynamics changed as a result as well. With that, many other layers of our existence were brought front and center.

I wondered at that time and was struggling with the thought: is Divine love enough for us?

Is divine connection enough for us? Can we go through life and its most difficult situations by letting go of people, not having any expectations, hurt feelings, and focusing only on Divine love?

Is it enough? 

Hi my dearest mom,

I’m very sorry that you have to go through all this. I don’t know why you have to face this. I don’t have access to old records and decisions so I can’t find out. I don’t know why you have to deal with relationships  in those ways.
However, this is what I do know.

1. I love you.
2. I will never leave you.
3. You can always count on me and trust me.
4. You’re not alone.
5. I miss you so much that I wish for just one moment, I could have my shell back, open the door, and ask, “How are you?” And I want to feel that hug too. That big and warm hug… no one can ever hug me as you did.
6. I worry that you are not following my suggestions about your health and other things, but I think I understand why; I understand how difficult all this has been for you as if you were punched one after another. You are pushed to every corner, and yes you are human. And yes, you don’t really have a human example to follow, only the Divine.

Maybe this is all you need, mom? What do you think?

Is it enough for you to just have Divine love and my love for you? You and our divine connection…is it enough for you?

Can you settle for that? Can you learn to settle just to be with me?

I love you. Talk to me; I’m here and I’m listening.

Do you think you can do this? Try mom. Just try for a day, week, a month. Make our communication the focus.

Try to release them and embrace me.

Thank you mom, thank you. I love you.

9:09am

Hi, my dearest mommy. I’m very happy you are speaking to me again. This is so necessary for both of us.
1. I love you very much.
2. I am protecting you and will always do so. Never again should you worry about being alone and unprotected.

a. I am always with you.
b. You are always protected.

3. Just focus on our work, relationship, and needs.

a. Do what you need to do for yourself. Make our divine work your center and core. Make our relationship with divine your center, your world.

4. Listen to our messages.

a. Apply them to your life first
b. Share with others second.

5. Mom, you truly need to work on your focus, but I think that will come only after you take our conversations more seriously and when you understand that having a conversation with us is similar to having a conversation with someone sitting across from you.

It is similar to the way you have to work on your active listening skills while working with the Divine and with the privacy of the messages.

Not everything we are saying to you must be said to others, at least not in the exact same way. For now, become aware of:

• Listening skills
• Privacy and confidentiality of the message

As you work more and more with us, you will work more and more on your own life. This is where you should put your labor, love, skills, and knowledge.

I need you to combine all that with the knowledge you already possess and share it with humanity. By focusing on all of this, we can make the most of what is given to us.

Not only can we choose the drink that is poured to us (or our destiny), but now we can also drink it. We might even sometimes have the option to choose the cup, but not the drink.

So my dearest mother, bottoms up. Focus on me; focus on your life.

I love you. We’ll talk more another time.

11:00am

My Son’s Place

Dear mommy,

Thank you for coming to visit me. I know you are concerned about our conversation and a religious leader.  Let it go mom, let it go. Remember that those that are here to work are guided by Heaven and will not work alone.

I also want you to stop dwelling on the past. Did you make mistakes? Of course, but not the ones you think you did.

Remember that you are human. You must remember that compared to others, you at least didn’t kill anyone. You must remember your old surroundings and how you lacked the current knowledge.

(Note :He was referring to when I had no spiritual knowledge back in former USSR  due to spiritually stifled environment.)

You cannot expect 2nd grade students to solve a 10th grade level mathematical problem. Give yourself room for growth and for being human. Focus on Now.

• Focus on us, mom.
• Focus on you.
• Focus on your relationship with Above.

Do not think about finishing your own life. That will not work.

I do not approve. No, no, no. Focus on the conditions of your soul and the moment of Return.
The Moment of Return is a fixed point. It is set in time. Be ready to be called at any moment, with or without notice.

Look Forward, not Back
Think Now, not Yesterday
Get ready for more
More actions
More deeds
More opportunities to improve
More opportunities to extend the merits of your soul

Wait to respond. Listen and accept.  Then move forward. You are watched and guided.

You are blessed and cared for. You are loved and respected. You are not alone.

–Your Son

9:43 a.m.

Hi my dear mommy,

Problems, problems, problems. Pain and sorrow; I know. It will become less painful as you work with my words more.

• You will gain focus and strength.
• You will find your center and gain your peace.
• Take your time and don’t rush. However, do something every day. Clean your desk. Make room in your life for the work of life.
• You are going home.
• Select carefully on what and who wants to add to your shine and what and who wants to dim you down.

Do not allow anyone to dim your light. That’s all you need to know today.

Keep your light on!!!

–Your Son

Note: After this conversation, I realized that I needed to do an inventory of my life. So in my quest of how to fight for my life, I needed to find and cut off anything or anyone that was not supporting me.

I remember waking up in the morning with a very clear thought. The thought said, “I have so much pain in my life. Why would I want to keep anyone who adds more pain?”

That was the turning point in letting go of everyone and everything that did not support me in my fight for my life. There was not that much left anyway. 

Did you ever notice that when we are in pain and down there is always someone who wants to add more pain on top of all the suffering?

Why will some people kick someone when one is already on the ground lifeless? Is it not enough? That was beyond my comprehension.

I know it may sound naive, but as I child, I too never was able to understand why people were laughing when during the performance in the circus two clowns were hitting each other. What is so funny about that?

What can I say . . . indifference is a really a terrible illness of any society and humanity at large. 

11:59 a.m.

Note: This was the time when opportunities for teaching stopped coming. It felt to me that regardless of what I did, everything was falling apart. I could not understand why this was happening. Everything was shutting down at the same time again. 

My work, my job, left me the same way as my friends left me—without any notice. As if a giant wave came and swept all away. I began to think, “Why bother?” Depression was knocking at my door.

Also around that time, illness started to take over my body. It felt to me as if even my skeleton was crumbling within me.  

Hi Mom,

It’s very heavy for you. I can see and feel it. I know. Now you understand that life on earth is very hard. Sometimes it feels impossible to continue working. Sometimes putting one foot in front of another feels useless and worthless.  You can see now how the will to live can be lost and how apathy can take hold of the soul and heart.

Yes, mom, apathy is like the “dream-death” state of the soul. Apathy is the true death.  When shell/body stops, the soul lives and continues to prosper and expand.

In apathy, the soul goes to a metaphoric stage, like a coma or deep sleep where expansion and growth stops. Apathy is one of the most dangerous stages for the soul.

What can you do in order to stop or prevent from falling to this stage?

1. Be aware that apathy exists and know what results of the soul.
2. The factor, or also known as the vaccine, that can prevent the soul from getting sick or infected by the virus apathy, must be found.

a. The factor that can shield the soul is called Guardians of Light.  What or who are the Guardians of Light?  

b. The Guardians of Light are the channels of communication. It is like a vein with the blood supply. As long as the channel is open or the blood flowing or as long as energy is circulating between the soul and its source, apathy cannot take hold of the soul.

c. Only when that passage gets terminated or blocked like old toilet pipes where water can no longer flow, then the Guardian of Light and Guardian of Life cannot ensure the wellbeing of the soul.

3.   So what clogs the system?

     a. The major contributor is loss of memory: the loss of memory of our connection to our creator and the       collective.

b. Loss of hearing: when we stop hearing the whispers of the universe, it becomes impossible to receive love and support.

c. Loss of knowledge: No longer knowing that there is a plan for us and a unique path we must journey.

d. Lack of skills in dealing with the situation: Face it, not everyone knows how to clean their home’s plumbing system and what to do if the pipes get plugged or how to prevent the plug in the first place.

4. Preventative knowledge: The truth is that it is easier to prevent apathy than to bring the soul back from that stage.

a. One of the most important steps in that direction is protecting the soul from exhaustion.

b. It is very important to remind ourselves that when we meet boulders blocking our path, it is not necessary to remove them all. Sometimes you just need to walk around them. The point is that we either use energy for working or energy for removing. If we over-exhaust ourselves with removing objects, then we can no longer work. Then apathy will have easy access to our soul.

c. A tired and tormented soul attracts apathy. Sometimes we just have to tell ourselves that this boulder is not for removing.

d. How do you know which boulders to remove? How do we know what we’re facing is not a boulder but the path itself? How do we know when to fight and when to let go? Which to remove and which to walk over? How to maintain our channels to keep them flowing so our soul remains healthy and alive?

These are very good questions.

10:00am

Mom, what’s wrong? Again, things are not happening according to your plan? Again, it is not unfolding as you wanted? Again what you thought would be good for you did not happen? So what???

Mom, you really must learn to accept “what is.”  The point is that you did it.

When it was according to the Divine plan you did it! It came to you and you gave it all.  You gave 110%.  That is all and that is that. Now it’s done and closed.

And now something else is a part of the plan. Not your plan, but the plan that you need to acknowledge and respect.

Take it as it is and move on. Keep going. You are going home. This is what you must endure with your understanding and appreciation. G-d has a plan for you. Remember that.

Soak up this plan.  That is all I can say. Take it in.

Learn to accept it without breaking down, drama, suffering and pain.

Take it as it is! 

The fact is, mom, when we plant the seeds in the soil, it is not under our control to decide which seed will grow or lay dormant. It is not under your control!

I’m always with you forever and ever. I love you.

11:00am

At My Son Place

Hello my dearest mom, thank you for coming to visit me. Now, let’s talk. It seems to me that you are having a difficult time grasping what contributes to the wellness of the soul.

I. You really need to understand that the soul is not alone. This soul or that soul is responsible and capable of not only gaining more energy, but also preserving itself from being damaged, wounded, blemished, or broken down.

First we must focus on quality and quantity of energetic fields. If someone can achieve how to achieve the softness, sensitivity, and tenderness of the soul as it enters the earth realm, that is a huge step in the right direction—the direction of wellness.

How can one preserve the tenderness of the soul and not enter the desert-like stage where the soil of the field is dry allowing nothing to grow anymore?

What is the irrigation system for the soul? What keeps the human soul moist and rich to assure a potent environment from which good seeds can grow?

1.The irrigation system is quite simple. The soul should never cut itself from the source. The connection to the source of creation is imperative just as a baby must have breast milk. If you take it away, it will starve.

So what constitutes the breast milk for the soul? What is the connection to the source? Here it is clean and simple. 

a )Awareness of togetherness and belonging

b) No mistaking who is who and who is where. There is no mistake in who we were born as and where we were born at.

2. Connection with nature and living beings.
3. Feeling of responsibility for its own wellness.
4. Last but not least, ” open mouth”  condition. Meaning willingness and openness to receive. If a baby’s mouth is closed, no milk can get into the system. The soul must be willing to suck the breast milk of its creator.

II. Another one is the self-irrigation system, where the soul has the responsibility to avoid environments that create dry spells, such as negative situations without love. 

Anger, greed, and fear are some of the biggest contributors to the dry seasons of the soul. Melting away those conditions will irrigate the soul.

This is all you need to know today.  Next we’ll talk about what nurtures the soul.

Don’t worry mom, this is your way home. This is your process. Just go with it.  Don’t rush it. Don’t obsess about it. Enjoy it. Learning how to enjoy is one of the biggest lessons.

After you’ve done it, there are no other options; only this one. Try to think this way, and your soul will be restored to health in no time. It is all about the experience and the journey.

On your way home, mom, try to enjoy your experience and know that you are not alone. Not only am I waiting for you at home, but I am holding your hand as well.

We are working together. Be well, talk to me everyday. And most of all, remember:

• I love you.
• I’m here for you.
• Hold my hand and let’s go home together.
• Everything is real.
• With every step, you’re closer and closer to home.
• I wait for you. I am here. I love you.