2:30 p.m.

At My Son’s Place

Mom,

To ask the right question is similar to having the right key. It opens doors. It shifts reality and brings forward new information and awareness. Some questions strike us like lightning, leaving us wondering “how we never thought of them before.”

The question I am going to pose now is one of those lightning ones. Are you ready?

The question is, “Do you want to be with me?”

It is not “Do you want me to be with you” or “Do you want us to be together?”

Look, when we get married, we are asked, “Do you take So-and-So as your husband or wife?”

That is different from asking if we agree to be with that person. Here is the difference.

Just because someone says he/she loves you, wants you around, or enjoys your company does not mean that he/she wants to be with you. With you—for YOU!

He/She might want you to be with him/her for him/her, but not for you and with you.

To be with you for you, he/she has to work, labor, and learn about you and take into the consideration who you really are and not the fantasy as he/she thinks of. Real you and not the work of his/her mind and not the way he/she imagined you.

Therefore, to answer the question “Do you want to be with me?” requires the other person to put you ahead of him/her.

Now, Mom, let’s shift this to relationships, to Life and G-d. Let me ask you questions:

1. Mom, do you want to be with G-d?
2. Mom, do you want to be with Life?

 

Note: What I really understood here is that in order to fight for my life, I had to investigate, analyze, and meditate very deeply on the question “Do you want to be with Life?” If I could not accept how Life as is, how could I fight for it?

I also needed to answer “Do I want to be with G-d?” What does it even mean? In a real way, in a tangible way, in daily life? If I could not be with G-d, then how could I be with my son?

This conversation alone pushed me on a totally new level of awareness and thoughts. This is one of the most pivotal conversations I’ve had with my son up to now. It lasted two days and ended on 05/30/10.

 

Note 2:

I need to make a confession. It’s burning on my mind and heavy on my heart. The thing is that right after his shift, my son told me that one of the reasons I will need to write this book is that we as humanity are about to go through very challenging times.

Times when many children, innocent children, young children, under the age of 21, will be taken from us by different means. By means of catastrophic events, weather conditions such as storms and floods, etc. (natural causes).

Also, by man’s created events, such as suicide bombings, mass shootings, and other unspeakable and evil acts. The acts that would not be prevented as they will be very sudden and unexpected. The children will be leaving in groups and alone. They will be shifting, leaving many broken families and hearts behind so later they may help them to do the work.

It’s one thing to be aware of financial crises and another to know that 2008 to 2012 will be a very challenging time with lots of shifts and even more so from 2012 till 2016, more intense and more challenging all around the globe. And that everything is leading us to 2017, when something major is going to happen, and it will be a turning point for humanity at large.

But to know the price and who is paying that price is at times unbearable . . . knowing about future events with children is burning my mind.

As I am working on this project, I am thinking of their families, their future broken lives. And that today they have no idea what is in store for them.

And when events will come upon us, just as happened in Japan with so many children being washed away . . . would they believe what I will say to them? Would they be able to wake up in the morning only for one reason—to allow Divine Providence to heal their shattered and broken hearts?

Would they trust me with the message that they have a job to do here and that they must establish communication with their children? Would they trust the message that on the soul level their children choose to leave so they can heal the collective soul of humanity? Would they trust that?

Because if they would not, then the shift of their children will lose its meaning to some degree. So on one hand mothers, parents, must be nurtured and helped, but on another hand they have a job to do. They were picked for that work. And how would you tell them about it?

I have no idea how I would react if I would be told this by some stranger. Only because it’s coming from my son I am more open. But even then, it’s so difficult to swallow. I choke up on it regularly.

All this is a very heavy information, and the sad thing is that in my heart, I know it’s all true. I know!

And I know that we will witness the “death” of many innocent children. I know that. And living every day with the thought that more and more children will shift is an unbearable information for me.

I just want to scream, “Stop . . . leave our children alone . . . stop!”

But I know that it will not help, because the reason for it is not in the Divine cruelty but is in the human heart and our ways. That is the sober and bitter truth.

I used to look at children and then imagine how they are going to look as an adult and what they would do and be when they would grow up. I would think about their future and about what can be done so their life and future would be brighter and softer than what we had. I thought the same about my children too.

Now, I noticed, when I look at a child’s face, I am trying to catch their eyes and see if they are the future angels. Now, I am fully aware that this child or that child may sacrifice their future, just as my son did . . . so we as humanity will have ours. Now, I am trying to look away when I see a child. I do not want to know!

Now I am fully aware that many of our children do not have a future, but only now. And that is a very sour piece to swallow. I weep and weep and weep. Children, innocent souls, the best of us . . . without a future . . . Can it be another way? Should I keep quiet about it? Should I speak up? Besides this work, what else can I do?

May G-d have mercy on our souls. May all our children have long and healthy lives with a bright future.

 

 

9:09 a.m.

Hi, my dearest mommy, to you I speak, whom I love. Our time to be together is getting closer. You can hear me better, and I can relate to you better.

Note: My work for the last two years was focused on establishing a solid communication with my son. Having him being able to hear me better meant that I did something right that was a result of following his suggestions and directions. And if you will follow them, I am sure it will assist you too.

However, this is what you need to keep in mind. We all know that any relationship is not a one-way street. And every relationship is different as a way of communication goes.

I may have visions as a form of communication and/or I can hear energy. But with others, it might take on a different form, such as doors opening, sounds, lights being turned on, etc.

Every relationship is unique. If a mother says her child is not speaking to her, it might be that she is expecting the wrong kind of communication and not paying attention to what is there.

Leaning how to communicate with your child for some may take more time than for another. Do not ever compare yourself with others. That is not healthy and not accurate. My suggestion: focus on your own process. Allow your child to guide you on how he/she will want to communicate with you. Follow the lead of your child.

I love you, Mom. With you, I live. With you, I breathe the nectar of challenge, which is bitter and sweet and sour, yet velvety and kind. The cup you drink from is not easy.

Mom, your life is mine and mine is yours. We are never separated. When you are looking for the purpose or painfully asking what to do, remember this: just listen to the Whisper.

Your purpose is as clear as the sky. Just love, nurture, protect, and speak up. You must also listen. Now listen to what I am about to reveal to you.

My dearest mother, I honor and respect you. I ask you to put G-d first. He should come before me, your pain, and us.

You are created by his will, loved by his mercy, guided, protected, and watched by his wisdom. To think that you are not needed, that you are a mistake, or that you have no purpose and place is not only wrong, but also insulting to his plans and creations.

“Your life landed on your lap,” you said. Now, Mom, you need to rewrite this.

“My life landed on G-d’s lap. I have given my life to him. In his hands my life now rests, and with that I trust and trusted. And as I lie on his lap in my lifeless body, weakened by pain and grief, with my limbs hanging in the air and head bending towards the back, just as the body of a severely wounded child, I feel his arms collecting me and carrying me to the place where I can be healed. I see myself in G-d’s hands.”

That is what you need to write, Mom. Let him breathe in a new life to you with clear purpose and mission.

I am holding your hand, Mom. In his arms, we rest. I love you.

12:40pm

At My Son’s Place

My dearest mommy, my love and greetings to you. I’m glad you are here visiting me. Nothing has been forgotten: not me, not you.

Let all fears and worries be dissolved in my love. You are the one who I will treasure and protect. I hope you will find a safe harbor in that thought.

I hope you will find rest knowing you have nothing to fear. I hope you will be joyful when thinking of us as a mother and son on a divine path.

Your job right now is to walk through the Desert of Death and grieve.

Nothing else is more important for you than this. Do not make yourself too busy. It is not time yet.

Your heart needs to be restructured. You are still under construction.

So be with it. Bring Divine Providence and divine love into your life and let that do the work.

Let the Architect rebuild your life. Trust him to unfold his blueprints. Just relax and let him work. Stop worrying everyday.

Stop holding up. Let “IT” go and let “IT” come.

12:45 p.m.

At My Son’s Place

Hi my dearest mommy, your doubts are eating you alive. Hold my hand, I am with you. On Earth, not everything is simple; it is complicated and confusing. The truth is altered and that is why we need to listen to ourselves.

Mom, you have a job to do. You need to start to write at least one page at the time. How are you planning to redefine death if you are not living?

Believe when we create. You create when you write. Listen to me, mom, and listen to my voice and spirit. Stand up on your two feet and walk.

You must trust this. Do not go to the other side. There is only darkness there.

Be with me, I am your light. You don’t need anyone else; I am enough. Remember me!

Note: Around this time, I saw a dream. In that dream, I was unable to walk. I tried and tried and tried, but I could not. In that dream, my feet were not supporting me. I did not have kneecaps. My kneecaps were missing.

In that dream, every time I tried to stand up, I was crashing. I was falling down. Over and over and over again. My body was bruised from falling and was bleeding. My skin was ruptured in many places. I was in pain. “How many times should I try to stand up?” I thought in my dream. And then I tried again, just to end up on the harsh ground again. My face was covered in dirt and mud; my hair was a mess.

Then someone handed me crutches. I could not see “who.” He/She was not trying to help me to stand up. He/She just placed crutches next to me and left. Once again, I was alone, in the dark, on the ground.

In my dream, as the morning came, I picked up the crutches that were left for me and slowly rose above the ground. Finally I could stand. Yes, with the help of the crutches, but I was standing. My whole body was shaking. I was feeling weak, anemic, and terribly uncomfortable. But I was standing. The warm wave of deep appreciation for crutches covered me.

As I was trying to hold myself with the help of the crutches, I heard voices of my children behind me. I turned my head, and there they were. Smiling and waving their hands. They were cheering me up: “Just walk, Mom . . . just walk . . . you can do it . . . walk, Mom, walk . . .”

I could not stay still . . . Not when my children were asking me to move . . . Slowly I started to move forward with crutches under my armpits. The voices of my children and their trust in me truly helped me to move forward. What Mom wants to be a “looser” in the eyes in her children? So I collected everything that I had in me and walked. I still was a total mess, but I was walking. In pain, but walking. Alone, but walking. Not knowing where I was going, but walking and moving forward.

And as I kept walking in that dream, something magical happened. The artificial kneecaps were given to me. They took the place of my original ones. I did not even stop. They just appeared on their own. Without me seeing how and from whom. In my dream, I did not feel the moment when they were placed on me. I just felt that my walk changed. It became easier to walk.

The new ones, the artificial kneecaps, were made out of titanium. They looked odd, foreign; however, they took the pain away and supported me enough that I could release myself from the crutches. They did not feel natural to me at all, but they were able to hold me up. They were able to allow me to start to walking again. Independently. Without falling. Without any crutches.

 

 

11:43am

Mommy, mommy, oh how difficult it must be for you to be in your truth and be in G-d’s way. I know how it may feel ….as if  everything is being taken away from you and everything is falling apart with no light at the end of the tunnel leaving you in pain and suffering, but that is not true.

• It may feel as if everything is being taken, but the truth is that everything is being given.
• It may feel as if all life has become ashes. The truth is everything is asleep like seeds, waiting to grow and bring about a new harvest.
• It may feel as if that sickness and pain is taking hold of your life. The truth is that old wounds, pains, and sufferings are about to be dissolved and healing will take place.
• There is no limitation on what Divine intelligence can do for us.

The point I’m trying to make, mom, is that the illusion of the material world, which is dark and empty with limited potential, can creep in on us and gain the upper hand as if this was all.

This, however, cannot be farther from the truth. When you hold my hand, you hold the hand of Divine love. That love has no limitations or boundaries.

It will take you from where you are and put you where you should be. It will point you to your place and mark you for certain deeds.

When you are in Divine love, you are constantly under protection of it and directed and guided by it. With Divine love, there’s no room for fear or confusion.

You are given visions and are directed and marked for it to turn the Desert of Death into an oasis where travelers can nourish themselves and gain knowledge. 

The Desert of Death is the place of awakening and change. It is the perfect time and place for Divine intervention. 

Listen to the whisper, see the glory.

Fear you not, fear you not

Garden needed, souls are crying

Truth will surface, rain will come

Words of truth will be spoken

Will bring healing, nurturing, and love.

1:30am

At My Son’s Place

My dearest, mommy, once again we’re together. We are together forever, united by love, truth, trust, loyalty, dedication, and devotion to each other.

Nothing can stay between us, mom. You and I are one. Our oneness is the beacon of light. There’s nothing you should not be sure of or not confident about.

Yes, I’m real and I am here. That is that. With that, Divine Providence is here too, seen or unseen. And with that trust, Divine Providence will make us a breath.

I know you don’t know what that all means, but that is not very important. Just know that we know and trust that. You, my dearest mom, just rest. Take care of yourself and let us be.

Let Divine Providence work wonders in your life. You are under his and my protection.

Fear you not. Worry you not. Rush you not. Trust. Walk. Listen. Be patient. Be content. Be humble. Be listening. Be speaking. Be a healer…

…but most of all, be my mom…my weird and crazy mom. I love you, come and talk and listen again.