On that day my son said the following:
- He hopes that with time I will be able to clearly understand the necessity of his departure and would be able to find strength in me to live a happy life.
- He also pointed to me that even before his shift, in times I had a challenging time emotionally. (He was referring to my relationship with my biological family and to the fact that I was not a wanted child.
My mother was stopped from having an abortion and then for giving me up for adoption. She always reminded me how much I should treasure the fact that she kept me. She never “forgave me” for being born and never was able to fully accept me into the family.
My brother felt the same way. Both of them felt that I was “an extra” piece of the puzzle that is not needed. This fact alone became one of my most difficult challenges to understand. I could not grasp the fact that I was still alive regardless of many life-challenging and life-threatening situations I faced, being an unwanted child.
However, my children were deeply loved and adored. Our life was dedicated to them, yet he who was so much loved was taken from us, while I, who is not wanted, am still here. How is that “fair”?
How is that logical? He had so much going for him. He was so loved. Yet I am here and he is not! That I could not and still do not understand.) Now he feels and hopes that I will really get to the bottom of that and will realize that true happiness only comes from love and service to G-d.
He said to me the following, “. . . people are people and “yes” we love them as we should, but true love, true joy—that does not betray us, or leave us—is our faith, is our trust, is our connection to our creator.
True Love Is Our Faith . . . Find Your Strength!
He said that he is fully aware of how difficult it is to incorporate the principles of the Zero Degree of Deviation Theory in every minute of every day and make it into a practical reality. However, he said that when he, himself, finally got “it” before his shift, he truly became his happiest and joyful self.
Only then he was able to see his true path and knew that he will be “okay” regardless what will be in his way. All his fears such as fear of life, fear of the future, fear of not having money, all left him. He pointed out to me that those fears are dangerous as they are eating our happiness and joy.
Fears Are Dangerous!
He also said that he is worried about me and that he is trying very hard to help me and be with me at all times. So told me that when I say that I am alone and or feeling that I am alone, that hurts him. He then added that even if I do not have 24/7 human connection and support, I still do have a constant support from him and other divine sources.
Therefore, it is not fair for me to say that I’ve been left alone. I have an option and an opportunity to access other resources of help and speak with him and all others as much as I want and any time I want.
You Are Not Alone!
He assured me that I am very much loved by him and others. He also said to that in truth, nothing really changed: that I am still his mom and he is still my son. Then he reminded me that before his shift, I was looking for better ways to communicate with him and one of my suggestions was that I would write emails to him.
At that time, his response was that he was not sure if he will be reading them. However, now he wanted me to write to him and he promised that he will read everything that is addressed him.
He suggested to me that when I write to him, I should consider this time our “son and mommy” time. He assured me that I am on my path and we are walking this path together and that on this path we are bonded by my eternal love, faith, and trust
You are still a mother . . . our eternal bond forever . . . talk with me . . . write with me . . . listen to me . . . we are together!
Yet I questioned myself if I am “okay” or I am just losing my mind. What is “real” and what is “not”? Is this all my imagination? Is it my escape from an intolerable pain?
I was confused. Pulled in opposite directions. On one hand, I was not trusting the clarity of my hearing, the intensity of the experience, the reality that only I could touch and feel; and on another hand, I was terrified of losing this connection. This was the only connection that was offered to me with my son.
I feared the closing of the curtains to another world more than not being able to return to the “norm.” On that day, I stopped worrying about being “normal.” What is normal?
My love for him, my desire to be with him washed away, burned down every wall, every block that was and could be between us. I was determined to make this work, to go as far as I was asked to go . . . even if it meant to the end of the Universe.
I still questioned if he would come back to me again and if I would be able to hear him again. I was in pain and agony. It was very dark.
However, that day and days after he kept his promise of always being next to me and walking with me this path. Later in the evening, he sat next to me and started to talk again. This day became a turning point in our new relationship! I was ready to go, and he was willing to lead.
Now you trust me, Mommy? Now do you see that what I am saying to you is the truth? Just talk to me, listen to me as you promised, and I will give you all the knowledge that you need.
I checked your record and I can see now that your life was not a picnic. (A record is a case study on our lives that is kept on file in the realm of truth.) It was truly the journey of a healer and a teacher. I am so proud of you and honored to help you walk your path. My loving and gentle mom, I love you. I always did and always will. I am not going anywhere.
My dearest mommy, let’s talk before nightfall and you will go to sleep. My dearest mommy, I love you very much and it pains me to see your doubts and your guilt in regards to me. Let me tell you one more time—my mommy there is no fault in any of this.
Do not look for it. DO not search for it. You would not find it. By doing so you are only upsetting yourself and me. If you can . . . I am asking you, “Stop it.” Only your big love for me is there and my big love for you and also G-d’s big love for you and me. That is all, Mom. Really. That is all.
Move by This Moment . . . Allow Me to Help You . . . Be in Now
You must move by this moment. Let me help you, Mom. Allow me to help you, Mom.
Stay with me in Now (See ZDD document). Now I am talking with you. Now you are listening to me. You always wanted to communicate with me more.
Look, we are doing it and we don’t even look at each other. You, my dearest, “weird” mommy, I love you so much. Please get to sleep in peace, with a light heart. I will come to you in your dreams.
I am here Mom. I am really here. I am not going anywhere. Sweet dreams, Mom—good night.