Note: My last conversation with my son and the way he confronted me pushed me to the abyss of darkness. Once again I had to face myself, my beliefs, my truths.
There is nothing more challenging than facing yourself and answering to your now questions. If you haven’t experienced it yet, you will.
I was split in two parts. Each part had its own paradigm of thinking and its own argument to make. The Intelligence of my Body and my Mind was faced and confronted by the Intelligence of my Soul.
I was losing my center. Everything got shattered. What was my center? Where? I got very tired. Trying to keep “together.” What was I keeping “together”? For whom?
I knew that something was happening. Something in the grand scale. But I was blinded. Could not see the full picture. Could not comprehend the magnitude. Could not make clear sense of it and be in peace with it.
Nor could I ask anyone else around me. Think about this. When I shared with a few people around me that I am speaking with my son, their reaction was . . . I am sure you know.
My mind was swirling. My heart was summited by something much bigger than intellect. By my love for my son. I reached the point of total IT. I got to break free from whatever was holding me and pulling me into the vortex.
I knew that from there I would not recover. I was in the center of the storm, the war for my Soul, for my essence. Two realities clashed. Only one could exist. In only one I could be.
With all that I had and did not have in me for the first time since my separation from my son, I cried out to the Universe and made my plea for help.
Below is the response and assistance that I got back.
12:33 p.m.
Divine Mother said: (Visit #8)
When the pain and suffering are lifted-
then light can come and heal.
And when soul is healed and awakened –
then more light will come.
Your job is neither simple nor easy.
The quest for you is here.
The choice is yours—free will acknowledged.
We hear your cry.
This is our response:
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Believe it or not – it is your choice, your system.
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Trust it or not – it is your choice and will.
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To love or not – it your soul and essence.
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To live or not – your journey does not end here.
You want your G-d — I am here.
You are my daughter; you are my creation.
But I gave you free Will.
I cannot choose for you or make you choose one way or another.
I love you this way or another.
Do not choose it for me.
Do not choose it for others.
Choose it because that is your life.
Your journey, in which you shall choose
Your path.
The path that you will walk along or with others
The path that is true to you and not to others.
The path that will lead you home.
With joy and laughter
And to choose that, you have to have guts,
You own your choice, your path.
I am your Mother and I am your G-d.
Sit here my daughter,
Hear your soul and then
Make your choice
Once and for all
What path to go
And who you are.
Choose wisely, choose calmly,
Choose slowly, choose once.
Choose your path,
Choose your reality
Your mother, your G-d,
My daughter, you are loved.
You are loved,
You are listened,
You are heard
You are seen,
You are chosen.
We have chosen you
Now it’s your time to choose
Mother’s love lives in the middle of the heart
Of the shining star that we call, Divine Soul.
It sparkles with laughter,
It dances with joy,
We call that, creation, celebration, and
Eternal light of all.
Mother’s love is never lost.
Mother’s love is never finished.
Mother’s love is in the middle of everything you touch.
4:41 p.m.
My Dad said:
I want you to listen to me. Know that you’re not alone. We are all watching over you. We are trying to help you as much as we can.
My daughter, you must understand that your soul is very complex, so in this life, you are walking on complex paths. Right now you not only need to deal with what happened to your son, but you must also deal with the system of thoughts that are accepted on Earth and the new path that is being offered to you.
It’s not very easy to walk a new path if you choose to do that. So my dear daughter, please be patient.
Give yourself time to understand what is going on. Just know that we all love you. By the way, your grandmother wants to talk to you right now.
Grandmother said:
Note : When I first came to America, my grandma used to come into my dreams every single night and tell me what to do next day. Her guidance was very accurate and extremely helpful to all our family. On a day ( night) of our first anniversary being here she visited me once more… just to tell me that from now I will need to make my own decisions without her help. After that night , she stopped visiting me in my dreams … until this moment. My dearest granddaughter, I have not talk to you for a very long time. There is nothing to say really. You’re in a very tough situation. To live a life is not as simple as crossing a meadow. The challenge that you faced with is extreme. However, you have to take control of yourself and remember who you are. Listen to me -You do not need anyone’s permission on what to believe in or what not to believe in. You have to choose for yourself what the truth really is.I understand it is very easy to say, but difficult to do. And that is why I came to you to tell you that I support you a hundred percent and I have your back.
You are not alone my dearest. You have someone to lean onto. We’re not going to leave you or abandon you.
Grandfather said:
Hi, my dearest,
Thank you for the honor of giving my name to your son and remembering me. Your son is an amazing boy. All of us here is in love with him.
We are all around him now as he is in a very challenging time, because he sees the pain you must endure. But this is not what I want to tell you.
We all did so many wrong things while we were on Earth. We are tremendously ashamed by that and it is very painful for us because we lied to you.
We created a lot of pain for you. We were not around you when you needed us. We were drinking, lying, and did not trust in anything.
But this does not mean that the Universe or Divine Providence does that to people. What people do is based on their own choice. They are choosing to drink and choosing to cause pain to others. They are choosing not to bring the loving kindness of G-d.
That is why you have to choose your own path. That is what I wanted to tell you.
Be strong and stay who you are. Know that we are very proud of you and let G-d have mercy on you.
We are praying and asking for you all the time.
Aunt said:
Hi my dearest, hi my sweetheart. As you know, I never had children, but I loved you very much and I know you loved me very much too.
What can I tell you? All of us up here are stricken by your suffering. We hear and love you and want to tell you, please do not rush to meet with us.
Please do not rush to join us. Everything has its own time. Find the strength in you to hold on to the life.
You still have so much ahead of you. You still have so much love and compassion to share with others. Of course we would like you to be with us… but we don’t want you to rush.
Mother-in-Law said:
Hi, you know how I loved you. You know how I care. With all that – do not become me, that is not right.
Do not become me. You are stronger then that. You are deeper then that. Respect yourself and the life around you. See the beauty that surrounds you. See what I never was able to see.
I know I would never survive what you are facing. You know that too. I love you , but I can not be your role-model.
That is why I am not going to lecture you. I have no right to do that. That is why I came to tell you my dearest, do not become me. Do not follow my steps.
Find the real woman inside of you—the one I could not pull out. Could not reach out. Could not connect to.
Find that woman for yourself and for me and for many others like us. Find that woman. Be that woman. Re-write our family history. Fix what was broken. You , you, you – can do it! I believe in you!
Please know that I love your son very much so. He is right next to me. We are watching over him. Please keep strong. We are next to you and we are not leaving you. We love you very very much.
Second Aunt said:
My dearest niece, keep strong. Start swimming again, but know that you do have a family.
You are not alone. We have your back like a mountain. We are praying for you and we ask that Divine Providence will lift your weight.
I know that words are not helping, but we are right next to you and doing whatever we can. You are very much loved. Remember that.
Great grandmother ( I was named in her honor) said:
We never met on earth, but I was watching you from the first moment of birth. You’re a part of me and I am part of you.
I feel your pain, perhaps stronger than anyone else. I can hear you. I hope you will understand what I am going to tell you now.
Trust that you’re not alone. Trust that you have a family. Trust that you’re very much loved. Trust that you’re very much needed.
You’re very much needed here, but you’re very much needed on Earth. You still have job to do. You are not done. You are not done. You are not done.
I will keep watching you. I will keep watching over you.
If only I could take your pain way. I pray for you. I bless you. Be bless my dearest. My continuation. My love. My dearest child.
May your soul will know peace. May your heart will sing again. May you find your way with grace and kindness.
8:48 p.m.
Divine Mother said:
Sleep tight my dearest. I will send angels to watch over you My wings will carry you. Softly and safely. Sleep darling, sleep. And rest without worries, Fears, and sorrows, The angel brings to you songs and then He will protect you And will love you. Bear my request. Bear my command. My darling daughter, I will take away your sorrow And I will heal your Bleeding wounds. Sleep tight my dearest Sleep and breathe softly As I am carrying you On my palms. Your soul is resting Your mind in peace Your heart will soon Find more joy. Your son is safe He is well He is with me Just as you are as well You are my children. You and him. Sleep darling daughter He will come to you in your dreams. I will assure His safe passage Inside your heart And then You will meet him shortly You will meet him safety You will be together You and him. Drift calmly to me, my love Swim freely into my joy You are my child that I love and adore. I send you gifts and blessings Your path awaits for you Sleep, sleep, and sleep My dearest daughter I am your G-d, I am your Mother I will never leave you! Nighty night Sweet dreams, Good night, Your Mother