9:36 a.m.
Note: My son was such a humble and brave young man; sometimes I looked at him and wondered what he would look like later on in life. What kind of man will he become when he grew up? Whatever he will become, I knew that I will be very proud of him.
Now, in this new reality, I did not know how to deal with being physically separated from him. My soul was screaming from pain.
So I said to my son:
I cannot keep quiet any longer. I miss you like crazy. What affects me the most is the awareness that I will never be able to hug you in the physical world. I do understand that you are here and that you have not disappeared, but the loss of the physicality of our relationship is too vivid and unbearable.
I can no longer smell you or hug you or kiss you. I can no longer play practical jokes on you. We can no longer play!
I do not know how to deal with all these. I understand you want me to be strong and calm, but I am not strong enough for all this. I am not cut out for this.
You were the one who brought me joy and happiness. You were such a magical bundle of joy, and you were my life.
My son:
I am fully aware of your love. Mom, we’re not done yet. You and me are not done yet. We still have us. We still have us, mom. Please think that way.
Please trust that way. Please act that way and be that way. We are together though you cannot touch me. I am sorry for that. Yes, nothing can be done about that right now.
Trust that I am here and I am fine.
We are going to Israel! I am taking you on that trip, mom. Go buy tickets from August 18th to October 10th. Don’t worry about anything. Everything will be taken care of.
I love you more than I can express. I’m here with you as much as I can be. I’m not going anywhere.
You and I are bonded forever by love, trust, and the grace of G-d and we can sit on his palm and just wait for his blessings and love.