1:52 p.m.
Note 1:
My tears flow from a river that is broken by a sudden fall at the end of its path. At the bottom, there is nothing but rocks covering a body of water.
It might be that the water represents our human tears breaking down the rocks, or maybe we are the ones falling down breaking our bones on the jagged rocks and then drowning and sinking to the bottomless floor.
Silence. There is deep silence, except for the murmuring of the waterfall. Is anyone listening? Is anyone watching? Does anyone care?
I know that I can never say that G-d does not exist. I know that he/she is there. I really feel and know that G-d is there.
However, with all my broken mother’s heart, I demand you, G-d, to show your face. Let’s talk face-to-face. Enough hiding. You want me to be strong and brave and have faith. I have plenty of faith in you, and it’s time you show faith in me. I am your daughter. Show me your faith in me; show me your face.
Come to the meadows of Earth and meet me. Come to the waterfall of our tears and speak to me. I am a mother and you have my son. I command you to open your door and come out! Enough promises!
Are you, G-d, brave enough to look into the eyes of a grieving mother? Turn your face to me and look into my eyes. I have nothing to hide from you. What are you hiding from me?
That is right, Mommy, that is right. You have to fight for your life. You must fight for your life!
Your enemy is yourself: your ego, darkness, and the unacknowledged pieces of your soul. You must know, my loving and kind mother, that you are not alone.
We, your star family (celestial family), love you and are watching you. We want to remind you of the following:
- We are by your side.
- This is the most important work you have ever done.
- You are ready for it.
Your life belongs to G-d and you have to treat that with respect. Bring the joy back. When you live with joy, you are using your G-d given life correctly.
Help is available to you. You are very much loved, watched, supported, listened, and cared for. We, your celestial family, love you.
I, your son, love you. The creator of the universe loves you too. Now, it’s your turn to love who you are piece by piece. Then your love will be installed in every cell of your being. When respect for who you are is installed or restored, then the conflict will be over. There will be no more wars. Where love and respect lives, war stops.
For now, fight for your life. Fight, Mom, fight.
You are worth fighting for.
I will be fighting for you too the same way you have fought for me many times. You have already won so many battles for me and my life.
Now it’s my turn and your turn to fight for you. Let’s do this, mom, together: you and I fighting together shoulder to shoulder for your life, my mom. I love you incredibly so.
Forever and ever,
You star boy, star son, star child.
I love you, Mom. Trust me that you are the best.
Note 2: This conversation is the first time the line “fight for your life” stared straight into my eyes. I could not remember if he said that to me before. If he did, it did not make any mark.
However, this time it was fully present and fully there, and I had no room and nowhere to hide. It is similar to the phrase “G-d has a plan for you.”
It hit me so strongly as if I’ve never heard it before. Yet, though I was holding the phrase, I did not know what to do with it and what it meant.
I surely understand the meaning overall, but in terms of practical steps, what does it really mean? I did not know, and because I did not know, it became my quest to learn and investigate the truth behind “fight for your life.”
I knew how to fight for the life of my children. I knew how to fight for the life of my friends or the people around me if they need it. But I did not have the slightest idea of what it means to fight for my own life.
Do you know what it exactly means to fight for your life?