1:37 p.m.
Note: Sometimes, I was feeling as if I was stuck between the land of death and the land of living. It felt to me that I was not living, nor could I die. Why so?
To make it short: the physical reality was crushing me. The depths of suffering were too deep. The heavy rain, metaphorically speaking, did not stop. It was pouring over us, over me. Trying to keep my head above the water, I was faced with questions:
If there is no one left in your life who you love, if your life is full of physical pain and suffering, if till your last breath you knew you would be in agony, would you still then choose life and accept life as a precious gift? Would you fight for your life then?
I struggled within to find an honest question. Not the “correct” or “right” or “for sure” answer. I knew those. No. No. No. I needed to find my own, authentic voice and my own answer.
Mom, you must make a conscious decision to live. You must choose life. You must choose life without any guarantees and promises.
You need to choose life for you even if there is no one else there. Mom would you have enough courage to choose life if everything you love is taken away? Would you?
Here are your options:
- Choose life and embrace life as a precious life regardless what is in it and who is in it.
- Choosing not to kill oneself and tolerate as much as possible.
- Killing oneself.
Three different choices = three different outcomes.