Will To Live

12:21pm

Hi mommy,

Look my dearest, no one can pull you from where you are; only you can.

You can have all the knowledge in the world, know all the mysteries of the universe, unlock all the secrets that are there, read all the letters of creation as if it was your name.

But if you do not want to live or have the will for life, or do not follow what is already given to you, revealed to you, explained to you, make known to you or do not embrace what is calling to you, accept what is right in front of you or do not stick to what you know… then it does not matter if you know anything or nothing at all.

Yes, everything is a lie. Yes,  there are illusions, manipulations, and struggles for controlling your mind. But who are you? How many times did you lie to yourself? How many times did you betray yourself? How many? 

What I am saying here is that  :

You are the one who has to do it. You have to move your body. You have to clean your room. You have to cook your food. You have to take your shower. You have to do it for you, not because of anyone else.

Do it just for you, because you are worth it.

You are worth this time and effort. If you really cannot do it for yourself, than do it for me.  You are still my mom and I love you.

Just being in bed will not get you far.  You must spend time in the office, showering, and exercising. I know that is not easy for you.

I know that, mom, but do not betray yourself. As others betrayed you!

 Do not give up on yourself. As others left you!

You must break the spell.

You must put down your routine and work. But first and foremost: You will have to want to live. You must have a will to live.

And you don’t at this moment. I see all -you do not even care if you wake up tomorrow. You do not want to wait around. You do not really like yourself right now.

Till you do – nothing will change. Nothing will shift.

I want you to want to live.
I want you to want to care.
I want you to want to fight.
I want you to want to be front and center.
I want you to be you
As you always have been.
I want you to not be broken.

I love you, mom.