My Case

Excerpt:

I was having a terrible allergic reaction to a medication that was prescribed to me. The side effects were so severe that we had to call the paramedics, and I was taken to the emergency room. There, the doctors wanted to give me more medication, but not only was I not willing to take it in the concern of having more side effects, but my son also suggested to me not to. After signing a waiver form and releasing the doctors from the responsibility for my health, we were on our way back home.

The only thing left for me is to survive the night. Then in the morning try to have an urgent visit with a specialist and to see if anything can be done in my case.

My husband had fallen asleep. It was near the break of dawn, and I was feeling extremely fatigued. Yet I could not sleep.

Then I noticed that I was hearing angels singing as the sun was rising. I did not notice immediately. I was just looking at the sun when I remembered that the last time I heard them singing was back in 2008 right before I went to Israel and while I was in Israel.

So for almost four and a half years, I did not hear them. Now, once again, I was present at their chorus. From that, I knew that I was not doing so well. Based on my last four years of experience, I realized a correlation between my condition and the presence of the Divine. The sicker I was, the more vivid my relationship was with the Divine.  

Tears started to roll down my face. I could feel them burn. “Help, someone help!” I softly whispered. I did not even have the energy to cry out. I felt that my whisper was silent. I was not sure if something came out of my mouth or not.

I noticed two angels descending to my bed; one came on the left side and the other on the right. I saw my son sitting right next to me. I held his hand and looked at the angels again. Between them, I saw members of my family: father, grandparents, aunt, etc. I knew something was wrong. As usually I could see all of them only before someone was about to cross over. 

I looked at the angels and asked, “Why are you here?” They said, “We don’t know yet.”

I asked my grandmother the same question. She replied the same way. I looked at my son and asked the question. He said, “Mom, I honestly do not know why they are here.”

Someone from the background said, “We are here to nurture you, to support you, and to love you. This is what we know so far.”

The vividness of their presence disappeared for a second. I knew they were there, but for some reason I could not see them anymore. I felt air above me as if a window had opened. A voice asked, “Who is in charge of your heart?”

The voice within me answered, “G-d.” I was surprised by what it said. The answer came so suddenly out of me that it startled me.

Who gave that response? I thought.

“Who’s in charge of your life?”  

“G-d,” once again the answer came out of me, yet I did not know how it came out. Who was giving the answer? How?

“Who’s in charge of your heart?” the voice asked again. This time, I waited a second and answered on my own, “G-d.”

“Who is in charge of your soul?” Once again I paused and replied, “G-d.”

“Who’s in charge of your life?” I gave the same answer.

The voice asked again, “Who’s in charge of your heart?”

“My heart?” I asked.

“Yes, your heart.”

“G-d,” I replied.

“Who’s in charge of your soul?”

“My soul?” I asked.

“Yes, your soul.”

“G-d.”

“Who’s in charge of your life?”

“G-d,” I answered again.

The voice kept asking me the same question, “Who’s in charge of your heart, soul, and life?” over and over again, at least seven more times. I questioned the voice at first but stopped questioning it after the third time. 

Every time, my voice got stronger as I answered the question. It was no longer an automatic answer; it was a consciously spoken response. I felt the same wind again, but this time, the window got closed.

A few minutes later, I saw myself standing in the middle of a room. It looked like the walls were made from cherrywood. The walls were empty. The room was not bright. There were no windows, no light.

I saw in front of me a very large square office desk that looked like those from the ’20s. The floor was even, and I was standing on the same level right in front of the desk. There was also a chair behind the desk, and no one was sitting on it.

Suddenly, something very quick moved between the desk and me. Then in a minute, I saw someone sitting on the chair, and in a second it was gone again. The only thing I could see was the movement of the body or the ripple effect of the body.

I could not see the face, but I knew it was a man of average height. The way he moved around my body was very quick, and it felt like a gray cloud surrounded me. It was soft but felt fixed around me. It took a few minutes for me to become comfortable and accustomed to what was happening. The figure finally asked me, “Are you So-and-So?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know why you are here?”

“No, I don’t know.”

“You are here because I want to offer you something,” he said.

Suddenly, I saw the entire desk covered in gold coins. Some of them were even falling off the desk, and I could hear them clink as they hit the ground. Some of them rolled right up to my feet.

Then he moved his arm and pointed to the left side of the corner, and the left side of his office opened up. I could see a totally another reality there as if he opened a portal to another world.

Then he said, “Look carefully, this is the life I am going to offer you.” 

I shifted my eyes from the coins to the left corner. I started to see scenes. Some of them were showing me sitting in a bookstore signing books. I was a well-published and well-recognized writer. Then another scene was showing me having a radio show, and many other visions that were manifestations of the dreams that I once had.

The farther and farther I looked, and the more and more I tried to see what was there, the clearer and more vivid I could see of my personal success. And surely financial rewards. Lots of them. 

However, I could not see my children, my husband, or anyone I ever loved. It was all about me and me only. No one else was there.

“Do you see this? This is your life. This is what I can guarantee you,” he said. “I can give you the physical pleasures of the old world and more, but I need something in return from you.”

“What do you want from me?”

“With every opportunity you will have, the opportunities such as speaking to people, with people . . . you must deliver two messages. The first message is that G-d has abandoned you, so therefore, he abandoned everyone else. The second message is that you are in charge of your life. Therefore, everyone else is in charge of their life.”

“I cannot do that. That is not true,” I replied.

“What is not true?”

“G-d has not abandoned me and I am not in charge of my life.”

“What do you mean he has not abandoned you? Look at your life. You lost almost everything you loved, and everything you’ve worked for has crashed. Where is G-d? Look at your life. How can you tell me that G-d has not abandoned you? Do you have another offer on the table? Why has G-d not offered anything to you?”

“Yes, everything you said is true. My life is in ruins. I am experiencing tremendous pain. Yes, my son was taken from me. Yes, it’s true, I lost so much that I love, and my son is not here in the physical world. To the physical eye, that is all true. But though I am in deep pain, I still feel loved. I do not feel abandoned. As to why I’m suffering so much, I don’t know.

“I do know that I’m not alone. No one can go through what I am experiencing alone. And the reason why you are able to give me this offer is because of the enormous love from G-d and my son. I am not in control of my life. I am not going to lie. Look, throughout my life, I was given many opportunities to lie, but I try to stay away from those as much as I could. So I am not going to do it now.”

“So what you are saying is that you are declining my offer even though you have no other offer.”

“Yes, I would rather choose the unknown than your offer if I have to lie.”  

On that note, another voice said, “Wait there.” Everything shifted.

I ended up sitting in a very small waiting room that led to another office. A door opened, and I walked into another office. This office was about 30% larger than the previous room, and once again I faced a larger desk. This desk was one step above the floor on a platform. 

Behind the desk was a large chair with a very tall back. I could see a male figure. It was very solid, stable, and unmoving. I could not see the face. The face was in the shade.

I could see his elbow and right hand holding a folder. Though I was about four steps away from the desk, I somehow saw inside the folder and saw a questionnaire.

Though I did not know who exactly he was, I knew I was in the presence of an angel. Everything told me that he was a very significant figure. Important angel. 

Again I was asked my name. Then I was asked very detailed questions. I was asked minuscule details about what just took place in another office.

“Were you in another office? Were you offered a deal? Were you asked to say this and this?” Everything that was said and happened in the previous office was asked. After the questions were over, at the bottom there was a comment section.

“I understand you did not want to lie. Are there any other reasons you refused the deal?”

“Yes,” I replied. He asked, “What?

“I did not see my family, friends, or anyone I loved. Yes, I saw success but did not see my loved ones. A life without them is not worth it for me. When I looked at the end of my life, I did not see the relationship I am having with my son right now. I did not see the relationship with my divine family. Without that, all the golden coins and more were worth nothing.”

He took the notes of everything I said and then told me, “Wait over there.” I saw him leaving through a door. Everything shifted again.

I ended up in the waiting room of another office. I was sitting in room number 3. This time I saw my son sitting with me. I knew that he came to support me.

At that time, I had already returned to the physical reality. I still felt as if I or my soul was still sitting in a waiting room.

On March 15, we arrived at the doctor’s office, an allergy specialist. As we entered the medical office, it felt as if the physical and spiritual worlds collided. There is a saying about how two worlds can be parallel from each other. It happened on March 15, the two worlds collided.

Now I was sitting in the waiting room of both the physical and spiritual worlds, but there was no more separation. There was a sense of oneness. I waited for almost an hour to see the doctor. The doctor was very busy.

There were many children there, which made me sad. Allergies are not an easy thing to live with. Around 5:00 p.m., my husband asked me if I would be okay alone as he went to the restroom. I could see and feel my son sitting next to me. Both of us were waiting. 

A few minutes after he left, the door to the spiritual realm opened slightly, and I saw the light coming from the opening of the door.  

The voice behind the door said, “Your case is closed. You’re free to go.” 

I did not understand. “What? What are you saying?” I asked.

“It means that you are free to go.”

I asked, “Go where?”

“To your life.”

“What life?”

“You are free to go to your life, to live your life,” the voice replied. Then . . . and then the door closed. And it was over. Just like that. At the snap of a finger. Here I was present just to our linear, corporeal reality. What is all? What is next? 

The door opened, and a nurse came out and invited me to come in. I stood up from the bench and took a step into my life.