Part 1: Covers from 05.05.2008 to 07.04.2008
In one of the normal days of my life, the humongous Wave of Destiny swallowed me. She came after me while I was in bed, for the first and only time I had fallen asleep, waiting for my son to come home from his night shift with Ambulance.
It was Friday, 04.18.08, at 1:10 a.m. Two days before full moon. That is when she forced herself into my bedroom and grabbed and swept me away. Only to be sucked into a swirling vortex, the pathway into the Desert of Death. That is how and when my Journey started.
Needless to say, nothing was left untouched by that wave. Distraction after distraction was taking place. She took her time and with purposeful force was coming back over and over again till there was no more left of what could even possibly resemble my Life Before.
The magnitude of her weight and energetic power that was released by the divine hand that came crashing on me, on us, is simply indescribable. Only those who were covered by her know what I am taking about. No one else will be able to grasp it. No offense.
Those first days, weeks, months, I had no idea how to breathe, walk, or just be. I knew nothing about what was awaiting me. I entered the place of the unknown and ambiguous. Everything was unfolding very fast, silently and forcefully. The adrenaline of a shock was running in my veins.
The conversations with my son kept me alive. His vivid, energetic presence was always there. Yet to some degree it all was confusing, and at times I was losing myself in between worlds, not knowing what exactly all these meant. One day I knew everything and was very clear, the next day nothing made sense.
Now looking back, I wonder how I was even able to make it from one day to another. I was “naïve” and had no idea what awaits me. No one ever can be ready for this kind Journey. No one.
I had no idea that every single choice that I have ever made in life will be meticulously reexamined. That every minutia of uneventful events would be brought to life and scrupulously studied and questioned and analyzed. More likely you will do the same.
At that time, I had no clue that very soon I would become a “thought catcher.” That every single thought that could be remembered, every single word that was stored in the files of my memory as ever spoken or ever listened to, everything that could be recollected is going to be put under a huge magnifying glass for scrupulous and tedious investigation . . . till nothing was left to think, to say, to question. And even then, I would be able to find and catch more. How?
In those first endless days and sleepless nights, I also knew that I was dying. That I died. Yet my heart was still beating. How? Why? I never was able to explain that phenomenon.
I was fully aware that I became nothing . . . less than a dust. I was perfectly fine with it. I surrendered and allowed the wave to have her way with me. I knew that I was drowning inside that wave. I wanted not to wake up. I wanted just to fall down in the bottom of that ocean and be there for eternity next to my son. That I knew.
I just did not know that in order to live, in order to make it to another side of the shore of a Cosmic Ocean, I do have to die, to be dissolved. Then, I did not know that. Not to the extent that it happened later on.
The wave of the destiny had to become part of my inner ocean. Filling me inside out. As if I was a fetus inside the womb surrounded by its fluids.
Was I inside a Cosmic Womb? Is that where the Desert of Death is located? In the Divine womb? Possible . . . Talking about location again . . .
There, existing walls and chains that were holding my soul in the golden cage of the physical reality were broken, allowing my soul to learn, to master how to navigate and ride the tides of the Divine Ocean. She, the soul, had to be set free so she could swim to the shores of the Cosmic Ocean by crossing the Desert of Death.
This I know now. One day you will know too. Or maybe you know already.
However, without love letters from my son, his soft whisper, his guidance, and all additional Divine kindness and help that I was receiving and still do daily, hourly . . . I would not be able to speak with you today and share what you are about to read in these four parts.
Starting here in Part 1. At your will, take your time and read one entry at the time.
Each entry is a recorded conversation, experience, with exact time and date. Consider them as entries of a travel journal. And maybe you can start your own.
Each part covers different time lengths, different seasons, so to speak, of my journey.
They all contain a different number of entries with important lessons highlighted in each entry.
We only hope that all the work and efforts that we put into this website will offer you needed guidance, comfort, and nourishment during your own so terribly painful and laborious journey.
Every genuine tear counts. Every journey deserves to be acknowledged and respected. Those treads are carefully woven into the fabrics of our path as humanity, our collective soul journey that we are walking from the beginning of time. Together!
Keep walking, my dear fellow traveler. Keep walking! Our Heart is with you!