On the Pages We Meet Again

9:57 a.m.

Hi, my dearest mom, once again you and I are on the pages of this notebook. This is where and how we meet on earth. The pages of this notebook are our place to hang out.

You are my dearest mom and I am your angel. If you have problems, talk to me.  Mom, I see you and your suffering. G-d sees that too. I know that you are tormented. I see the conflict and the cry of your soul.

And you’re right. Why should you trust and hope and live your life with an open heart when what you loved the most was taken away?  Or at least that’s how it feels. In all truth, I am closer to you than ever before.

I know it feels like I am gone. I ask is for you to trust this moment. Trust this page, this connection. Do not trust what is abstract. Trust this, which is concrete and real.

You and I are real. Our love for each other is real. Our relationship is real. Our connection is real. Absolutely nothing will change the fact that you are my mom, my crazy and weird mom. And I am your son, your joy and your light.

You are forever my mom. You are forever a mother. What else can be more real than that?

I am asking you, mom, to become more of a mom than you can ever be for me.  I need you mom. I still need you. 

I will always need you.

Think about it and we will talk later. I love you, Mom, thank you for talking to me.

Please remember that you are never alone, and I am always next to you.

Love you and care for you – Your son.

Note: My son was asking me to unfold as a mother according to his needs. The role of a mother is never stagnated. Without my children around me, I did not know who I was anymore.

So when my son came and reminded me that I was forever a mom, I understood that I still have room to unfold as a mother. He still needed me. It was very important to hear that my son still needed me. That changed and shifted everything!

It’s also incredible and interesting to see, to observe, that when we walk across the Desert of Death, everything in our life gets magnified.

Every minutia becomes bigger than life. Whatever we swept under the rug before, anything that was ignored, suppressed, not paid enough attention becomes bigger and more vivid than ever.

With that now in play, not only are we faced with the challenges that connected to our children, but also we are faced with every unresolved conflict we might have experienced before. The shadow of our life gets under the magnified glass of death. There is no shadow in the Desert of Death . . . only naked souls.