Is It Enough?

1:11 p.m.

Note: At this time, I was going through a challenging time with my husband. And my husband was going through a challenging time with me. This situation is “normal” and “expected” when families are dealing with major life changes and tragic events. Many relationships do not survive. We did. It took lots and lots of efforts from each of us. 

But at that time I did not know if we would. Everything, I mean everything, was crushing down.

Without my children by my side. Without that shared deep connection that we all had, I was not only in the deepest pain, but constantly searching for something. I even do not know what that something was or is. It was ambiguous and elusive. What was I looking for?

Our whole family structure has shifted, and its dynamics changed as a result as well. With that, many other layers of our existence were brought front and center.

I wondered at that time and was struggling with the thought: is Divine love enough for us?

Is divine connection enough for us? Can we go through life and its most difficult situations by letting go of people, not having any expectations, hurt feelings, and focusing only on Divine love?

Is it enough? 

Hi my dearest mom,

I’m very sorry that you have to go through all this. I don’t know why you have to face this. I don’t have access to old records and decisions so I can’t find out. I don’t know why you have to deal with relationships  in those ways.
However, this is what I do know.

1. I love you.
2. I will never leave you.
3. You can always count on me and trust me.
4. You’re not alone.
5. I miss you so much that I wish for just one moment, I could have my shell back, open the door, and ask, “How are you?” And I want to feel that hug too. That big and warm hug… no one can ever hug me as you did.
6. I worry that you are not following my suggestions about your health and other things, but I think I understand why; I understand how difficult all this has been for you as if you were punched one after another. You are pushed to every corner, and yes you are human. And yes, you don’t really have a human example to follow, only the Divine.

Maybe this is all you need, mom? What do you think?

Is it enough for you to just have Divine love and my love for you? You and our divine connection…is it enough for you?

Can you settle for that? Can you learn to settle just to be with me?

I love you. Talk to me; I’m here and I’m listening.

Do you think you can do this? Try mom. Just try for a day, week, a month. Make our communication the focus.

Try to release them and embrace me.

Thank you mom, thank you. I love you.