What Are We Going To Do?


Oh my dearest mom, how deeply I love you. It kills me to see how much pain you are in now. I suffer and am in pain from the fact that I cannot help you.

I feel like you’re slipping away, and I cannot really reach you. I don’t know how else to lift you and help you. I feel so powerless and broken. Even this new angelic form is not giving me much in regards to you. I see that you are becoming more and more detached from life and its energy. 

I see your spirit and the merit of your soul fading away.  You remind me of a piece of ice melting under the sun. The environment that is supposed to support you is not doing its job.  Even I don’t know now what is the perfect situation for you to not only to function, but also live.

I see that you’re losing interest in everything.  Our conversations are not giving you bliss. You are writing with me less and less, and I am asking for it more and more.

What is going on mom? What is happening?  How can I help you?  What can I do?

I am sorry for what happened but I cannot change the Divine Plan. My days were numbered like everyone else. You just had a bigger number than me. I am not the one who assigns numbers. I’m not the one who seals the fate. I’m not the one who creates destiny.

I wish I could kiss and hug you now and yell, ”You’re so crazy and weird.”  I wish I could open the door and smell the food you’re making for me.  I wish you could massage my back and touch my hair as you did. But I can’t and that’s not possible anymore. That is neither yours nor my doing.  That is pure G-d’s work. End of story, mom, ok?

With all this in mind, what is next? What is left? What are we going to do, mom? 

You and I are still connected. That is still here. You still love me and I love you even more.

So, what are we going to do with all this love and connections?

I know that you have no answers. I know that you feel lost. So mom, can I offer you some suggestions?

Can I tell you what I want you to do? You always listened to me.  Can you listen to me now?

  1. I really want you to write with me every day.
  2. I really want you to stop smoking. ( I started when he shifted)
  3. I really want you to stop questioning why you are here.  Just wait and see and it will come.
  4. I want you to relax and stop looking for a meaning.
  5. I truly want you to just be, and not push yourself in one or the other direction.
  6. Stop looking into the future.
  7. Finish everything in the house; clean it and make it yours.
  8. Come and visit me. Talk with me.  Love me. Hear me.

That is all for now mom.  Thank you for listening and loving me. I hug and kiss you. 

I love you, my weird and crazy mom.

–Your son.

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