12:25 p.m.
My dearest Mom, I love you, I am here. You’re not alone. We are all around you. Yes I cannot help you clean your house as you did before, but I will still be right next to you. Consider me your cheerleader. I know how emotionally painful that is to you.
I feel your body screaming. I hear how your heart is crying. I see how your soul is suffering. Cleaning our home was a family thing. We did not want to do it but you organized us and taught us.
You were teaching us how to be self-sufficient, how to be neat and organized, and how to respect manual labor so we would not grow up as spoiled brats. But you taught us something else as well mom. You taught us how to be a family and how to be shoulder to shoulder.
You taught us how to not mess around and how to clean up our own messes of we do. Now I want to give something back.
I want to teach you that you are still our Mom. I want to teach you how much you are loved. I want to show that you will never be alone. So while you are cleaning our rooms, I will be singing to you.
While you work on one window after another I will stay next to you and give you energy to do so. While you vacuum I will hold your heart in my hands. I will wrap around your soul—my soul. We will be together. We will.
Do not fear an empty house as I am here. Do not fear our bedrooms, I am there. Do not fear taking paper from the floor; it is time. Do not fear taking off our tapes; move forward. Do not fear to throw away things and make room for the new.
Note: When my son mentioned paper and tapes, he was referring to the following:
Our son shifted at a time when we were almost done with remodeling our house. Right before he left, we asked him to cover the new floor of the living room with construction paper. It had to be painted.
I was traveling at that time, so alone, he by himself covered the floor with paper and tapes. He was also the one who chose the new entry door.
It’s interesting that I had personally ordered a door without a window though my son wanted a window. It was a small window, the one that can be opened and closed so we can see who is at the door.
In the end, our order was somehow switched, and he got the window he wanted. We got the new entry door exactly as he wanted. So we kept it. He was so happy about it.
After he left, the paper was still on the floor. And the new entry door had a plastic too. That paper was one of the last things he did before he left. For four and a half years, we left the paper untouched. For years, even the door still had plastic on it. I could not tolerate to see the door without him. It was HIS door.
I started to receive messages from my son six months before we finally took the paper out. He said it was time to do so. In August 2012, our older son, during his visit, took off the plastic from the kitchen and door and took off the paper and tapes from the floor. Alone I would not be able to do it. Could not!
Make this home our home. Make this home homey. Make it ours. Clean it out. It is time. It is time. It is time.
We are together in this. Follow my lead Mom. Follow my lead. Do what I say. Follow me. Follow me. Follow me.